Uncategorized – Page 4 – broke-single-dad

July 26, 2018

I needed that…

The break. I needed the break.

I lost my writing mojo for a little while, then I diverted my energy into getting some big projects off the ground; more about those later.

I’ve been thinking and evaluating.

Summing up what it is that is most important to me. I don’t think that this is a new thing, but more a change that has been slowly occurring over a number of months/years.

Renaissance

What do I feel like. I’m still not sure; the process is ongoing. What is certain, is that I’ve made significant progress. It’s so important to recognise progress because if you don’t, when you hit those inevitable walls, you’ll get stuck.

Walls are fine. I expect them. I accept how I’ll respond to them and that’s fine.

Walls are an opportunity to rest, place my back against them, and take time to appreciate how far I’ve come.

Once I catch my breath… push. up and over.

Ownership

I also recognise my weaknesses and I own them. They’re mine! and so is the decision to overcome or succumb to them at any given time.

Even though I hate to admit it, I have a finite amount of energy. Being middle-aged, I recognise when it’s flagging. I spread myself too thin recently; something had to give.

My saving grace, was looking back at how far I’ve come.

While you were gone

I stopped the race to zero. The reason being, I made a life changing decision that threw it all askew. I cleared all my debt, then added to it, but in a good way. A necessary way. It feels good and not at all the heavy kind of debt.

It feels good because it is part of a plan that has an end date, which is so very, very different from the creeping debt that accumulates over time.

It’s part of a plan that took time in the forming, and whilst it was hard to see how the pieces fit together initially, I had it mapped out. It’s coming together.

If you’re unhappy with a situation, you have two choices; change it or change the way you think about it.

Stay focused, expect the knocks and roll with them; learn from them then push forwards stronger than ever before.

You only ever lose when you stop.

BSD

PS, thanks for sticking with me! x

May 27, 2018

Well, that moment is ruined.

It’d been a good day.

He’s going to school in September so I’m determined to get him dry by then. Baring a few accidents, he’s actually been quite good.

In big boy pants all day, with a day in the garden and a trip to the park, I began to wonder.

Come bathtime, I was so pleased to see him using the toilet before getting into the shower. I gave praise where it was due.

Well done! You’ve gone the whole day without an accident! I’m so proud of you.

Naked, he leans forwards and grabs his ankles.

“Dad, can you see up my bum?”

Christ.

BSD

May 25, 2018

Down day

I think I’m exhausted, or pretty close to it.

We’re nearly halfway through the year and it has been a busy one. My writing has suffered.

It doesn’t help that I’m cramming a lot in, including learning two new skills. It means that for the most of the time, I have my head deeply buried in one type of reference medium or another. Luckily I enjoy doing that.

The cubs are on form although he’s a little under the weather. What that does do, is give the three of us the opportunity to cuddle up on the sofa and watch movies.

Never, ever underestimate the power of a down day and a cuddle. It’s almost as if I can feel my batteries recharging.

I’ve even ordered a pizza, rather than cook.

Tommorow, normal service will be resumed. I’ve discovered a new green space near us that we’re going to explore, waterproofs and picnics will be packed.

Adventure calls.

BSD

April 28, 2018

Explanation

Nearly one year in and I’m going through the worst writer’s block I’ve ever experienced.

Normal service should return soon. Meanwhile, here’s some music.

There is no music.

BSD

April 13, 2018

Breakfast questions

‘Dad..?’

Yes?

‘If you had to put your 3 most precious things in a safe, what would they be?’

That’s a good question; let me think…

Well you..

‘Yes..’

Your brother..

‘Yes. 1 more..’

……….

And a double pack of Custard Creams with a long use by date.

‘What about mummy!’

She can buy her own biscuits.

BSD

April 4, 2018

Easter Hols

And the cubs are off with Mum for the first half of the holidays, then they’re back with me for the latter half.

She’s jam-packed activities for them which is great. I’m getting regular FaceTime updates.

A call comes in from the Jurassic coast; a great location and day out for budding adventurers.

“Daddy! Mummy got me this from the gift shop. It’s a mood ring!”

She thrusts her finger towards the screen.

“It says I’m despair but I’m not. I’m just tired”

Ok then.

BSD

March 28, 2018

Pirates, and a case of the coughs.

I’m back.

I’ve had a bit of a break because, well, I was tired. I’ve been doing a lot of self improvement lately and that takes its toll. I’ll probably write about it shortly.

Not today though; today, is all about my budding thespian.

School play

My eldest cub has been bouncing off the walls for a month. She had been cast as a major part in the school play, ‘Pirates of the Curry-Bean’.

Curry-Bean……

Caribbean……get it?

I probably didn’t have to spell that out but it fills the page.

She was RedBeard; a major speaking part. For the last few weeks she’s pushed her learning of her lines. She’s practiced so, so hard to the point that her 3 year old brother was fluent in all the songs.

I gave her the nuggets of my experience, having played one of the Three Wise Men in numerous nativities and Joseph in one. This makes me a pro.

Tips

Proper practice prevents poor performance. She learnt this first. It was our mantra for karate and my mantra for everything.

She sang in the bath; she sang in her room. She sang at bedtime, accompanied by him; she sang in the car. I loved it.

The big day

Actually the night before.

They’ve been at their mum’s this week so technically the next time I’d see her would be when she entered stage right.

I wasn’t having that.

Thank you technology; FaceTime engaged.

We chat, I wish her luck before assuring her that I would be at both the lunchtime and the evening performances.

She responds by informing me that her brother, well on the way to being toilet trained, is having a wee in the bath.

Ok.

Maybe he’s more nervous than she is.

The big day (for real)

And I wake up with a hacking cough.

Where in hell had this come from?? Disaster!

Understand this; I’m a big fella; when I cough it sounds like a nuclear detonation giving birth to an adult volcanic eruption. It’s pretty loud.

Water. As much of it as I could drink without killing myself.

Drugs. Cold and flu remedies to be precise.

Cough sweets. Not good enough. Give me the industrial stuff – weapons grade if you’ve got it.

Timing. Tablets taken too early would lose their effect at a critical time; probably during a soliloquy. Time to work the clock backwards.

Tablets take 30 minutes to work but then last for 4 hours; taken too early I’d be protection-less at the commencement of the performance, ruining the show and scaring smaller children; too late and it wouldn’t kick in until the epilogue.

Take one in 10 minutes then another in a subsequent 5, thus staggering the impact whilst allowing for any delays in curtain up.

I may have overthought it.

The (revised) plan

Arrive 45 mins early; eat lunch. Take tablet(s); drink drink. Have wee. Take cough sweet (industrial). Drink. Nice.

Seat at the front, with other cub and mum; relax.

Curtain up

Apart from Captain RedBeard taking time out to wave periodically to loved ones during an orchestrated battle, it was amazing.

Proud daddy had the loudest clapping (thankfully not coughing) in the audience.

BSD

March 16, 2018March 16, 2018

The headcount was wrong..

Two days ago this happened..

School run. Nothing unusual there.

Driving down the motorway we did the ‘Bridge Count’ game. The premise is quite simple; if we spot a bridge in the distance, we estimate how long it will take to get to it and start to count down.

For example, 10, 9, 8 e.t.c; with the aim of the game being to hit ‘1’ just as the car goes under the bridge. It took them a little while to figure that daddy was bending the rules a little with the accelerator and brake pedals to rack up the wins.

It’s a magnificent time killer.

After the drop off, I get on my way. I’m tired.

I pull up at work. Swing my car around into the yard and reverse into my allocated space.

Engine off, breathe.

But I’m not alone.

In my defence, he was uncharacteristically quiet and the lack of rapid fire questions such as ‘where’s that sheep’s mum?’, convinced me that I was alone.

Luckily nursery wasn’t too far from work.

Bad BSD

March 16, 2018

INXS

So I’m into this now; a drink from my youth.

I just need to figure out what might constitute a fatal dose.

BSD

March 9, 2018

Questions

It would appear that my tolerance for answering questions, whilst driving, slightly late for work and sleep deprived, wanes at the 1000 (ish) mark.

by 1000, I mean about 7.

and by wanes, I mean makes me nearly collapse at the wheel in tears as I’m so tired.

Happy though.

BSD