We have this thing here in the UK. I don’t know what it’s like in your part of the world, but here in Blighty, we have this phenomenon.

It’s called ‘man flu’

It’s actually more of a paradigm than a physical thing but it comes with its own constructs and behaviours.

It’s usually an extension of flu, but in the literary sense, it is the absolute to any notion of an illness.

I have flu. I know this. I’ve had it before. No, it’s not a cold, it’s definitely flu. Have I been to a Dr? No. The few times I’ve had flu historically, I know that there’s little they can do and you actually spread the virus to everyone you meet in the process.

I know it’s flu because I’m awake at 4 am and sleep at 11 am. The last meal I had was breakfast (on Wednesday) and I’m shivering, fully clothed. I sneeze about once an hour; cough every half. Strong coughs too. The kind that wake you up at 4 am.

I’ve also felt crap for two weeks so I’ve a pretty good idea. I wish the whole thing would just cough off now.

But recently, I have discovered this. I can’t have flu.

Third parties have deemed it either unlikely or impossible.

“You have a cold” said the mother of my cubs, whilst advising me to “Suck it up”

Look out Med School; here she comes.

But the proxy diagnosis that really gets me, is

Aw, have you got man flu?

Cough off.

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BSD

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