daughter – Page 7 – broke-single-dad

July 10, 2017July 10, 2017

How tough is this one? It shouldn’t be.

I’m going to let you in to a secret; this was one of the best moments in my life.

The birth of my daughter; the everyday miracle that happened to me (us). Following what was quite a difficult birth, our daughter was cleaned up and placed on the scales.

I looked at her and she looked back..

Her eyes looked deep and dark (most babies are actually born blue eyed!) she didn’t cry or make a sound. She just moved her fingers a little and stared at the voice she was already familiar with, welcoming her into the world.

I had talked and read to her in the womb. The benefits of a deep voice paying dividends.

She was perfect in every way; I was in tears.

I had the privilege of being the first person to change her nappy. She fit in the palm of my hand! I was fascinated by her perfection, especially those little toes!

That was the moment I discovered unconditional love.

On reflection, it’s a shame mum and I couldn’t find something similar.

Four years later, we were blessed again. This time with a son (more on his birth another time).

Two years later, I’m here writing this. Life isn’t perfect but it is good and I am grateful for everything I have.

I now have the most important mission ahead and I cannot fail

How I act, what I say, who I am will be my children’s blueprint for their future relationships.

The behaviour I display, will be the behaviour my daughter accepts and my son perpetuates. I have to get this right.

CONTROLLING THOSE LIMITING BELIEFS – time to stop running and start hunting. pt.2

What is coaching?

Coaching is a way of improving your ability or performance. We tend to associate coaching with athletes but more and more we see it in the world of work and even daily life.

What does coaching look like?

It quite often happens on a one to one ratio (the most effective way) with the coach and the student. The coach will observe a specific act, performance or behaviour, analyse and then tweak that performance through a number of means in order for the individual to improve in some way.

Why are you discussing coaching? A moment ago we were talking about limiting beliefs?

The two are connected.

So what is the connection?

Imagine if you had a coach.
One who followed you around 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
A coach that never takes a holiday, rarely sleeps and better still, works for free.
A coach that knows you better than anyone else on Earth; knows your strengths and more importantly, your weaknesses.
A coach that really, doesn’t care if they upset you or even reduce you to tears.

I think you know where i’m going with this one.

So ok. We have a coach inside our head who sometimes works against us. Sometimes, it thinks it’s being cruel to be kind. Most of the times, it’s not a very smart coach. Always, absolutely always, it’s an effective coach.

Limiting beliefs>internal thoughts>inner coach..

Thoughts become things

I’d love to claim this one but it’s been around for a while. The power of the mind to create the physical environment has long been recognised and quick search of the internet will show you examples.

Have you ever wondered why a day that starts badly often ends badly and vice versa? Let’s be honest; a day is just a day. We will leave a footprint on that point in time and give it a title, in order to categorise it in our memories.

‘Good’ days have a positive effect on us and therefore anything that happens during that good day will be thought of positively. Again, vice versa, things that happen on a ‘bad’ day will be reflected on badly.

But as I said earlier, a day is just a day. We make it what it is and our internal coach has a huge part to play in that.

I apologise for this cheesiness of this pic but, you get it; right?

Part 3 next week, where I do what I say I’ll do.

I’ve also tried something new; sticking this post to the front page. Let’s see how that works.

BSD

July 7, 2017

Things I’m thankful for…

I’m thankful for making it to day 2 of my fitness challenge; work in progress!

I’m thankful for my son, who cried to get into my bed and once I acquiesced, told me he didn’t like the fan and went back to his bed, leaving me wide awake.

I’m thankful for my daughter, who despite being only 7 managed to occupy territory (in my bed) roughly the equivalent of Luxembourg.

I’m thankful for my son, who after his usual bath and bedtime routine dropped a poo bomb that saw us repeating the whole process.

I’m thankful to my daughter, who woke up 20 minutes after I got to bed to get me to choose my favourite character from Shakespeare’s “Taming of the Shrew” (children’s edition) whilst covering my bald head in stickers. I love my life and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Ps; I’m growing things on my window sill now. Lettuce and mint. The idea was to eat more healthily…

The mint has gone in gin.

BSD

July 4, 2017

Home sweet home

When your daughter draws this on your computer and gives it that title, you know you’ve done something right, even though it feels wrong.

BSD

June 29, 2017

5 minutes peace…

June 29, 2017

Wednesday’s thoughts

Following an [extremely convincing] internet scare story I now have a water filter complete with a year’s worth of cartridges. The idea is to reduce the intake of heavy metals for me and my kids. I’m not embarrassed.

Listening to the shocking statistic that 1 in 2 of us will now develop cancer in our lifetime i’m taking no chances; after all, it did for my mother.

There has to be something in our modern lifestyle behind it, as I can well remember when that stat was 1 in 3. Surely if we keep going at this rate, cancer will be an inevitability?
I skipped class tonight. It took a lot of willpower not to skip supper too. Intermittent fasting relies heavily on eating well and exercising. I planned to fill the time when the kids aren’t here with the things i used to enjoy doing; running, gym, martial arts and cooking.

My self-discipline needs a little work but it’s not far from where it should be.

June 28, 2017

This morning..

Having sat up way too late last night to do her hair I elected to take things a bit easier this morning.

Working on the ‘a little of what you like’ principle they both get a bowl of frosted corn flakes for breakfast rather than the usual porridge. I’ve decided to begin intermittent fasting again.

They’re with their mum tonight and indeed for the rest of the week as I’m working so I want to make the most of them. I’ve packed their bags with everything they’ll need until they’re back under my roof again.

This is going to take some getting used to…

My time-keeping anxieties came back with a vengeance and I was quickly aware of the language I was using around the kids. ‘Hurry up!’ ‘Stop dawdling’ ‘Speed up!’ ‘Tell me in the car!’

One thing I do quite well is listen to myself, and this time I didn’t like what I was hearing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them, I smiled. I was suddenly aware of the message that I needed to give my children right now.

I sat on the closed toilet, and hugged my daughter tightly.

My son, hating to miss out on intimacy comes barreling in. On noticing the comb in my other hand he swiftly 180s and sprints away into the bedroom.

The second error of the day hits me when I take a friends advice and ditch the motorway for the more rural route. I become traffic for quite a while.

June 27, 2017

Evening thoughts..

How do you coparent effectively?

Where the heck do you start?

It’s a minefield trying to set standards for your children when you couldn’t make a relationship work as adults.

Even the basics have the potential to descend into some fresh hell.

I’m tired. Fresh start and a fresh outlook needed. No more tonight.

June 27, 2017June 27, 2017

Monday afternoon

It’s amazing how quickly the time goes before it’s pick up time again.

I’ve calculated that dropping and collecting both puts 2 hours (each way) on my day. That’s a lot and I’m tired already. Work are being good and I put in the hours in the evening or when they’re with their mum, but something has to give.

The big man is first and I find him stripped to his vest, the day starting cold but turning hot sees me taking John McClane to get his things. He’s cold to me at first, probably remembering me leaving him but then all is forgiven with a cuddle. We don’t talk much on the way to the second pick up but he seems preoccupied trying to keep the sun out of his eyes.

She’s extremely tired and slightly teary, so I don’t push her too much. I do get the full run-down on her day and bring her up to speed on mine.

Things to note today:

Always keep baby wipes in the car.

I touched the whiskey, but just a small glass.

BSD

June 27, 2017

Monday morning

The biggest thing about relocating for me is timings.

I know what time I need to be where but I’m still not sure of how long it will take to get there.
You see time is very important to me. I don’t like to ‘waste’ it, and I don’t like wasting other people’s. I’m not anal or anything, but i’m.. no, ok, I am. I try to work backwards from my time due at a place to calculate when I’ll need to leave. Allow for traffic and some other stuff and voila. It works most of the time.

We’re late(ish). I try not to get stressy. It’s not the kids’ fault, but this is the thing with relocation. I’ve moved too far from where I need to be.

The kids are on form for the drive in. Angry Birds denied her fallback today is I-Spy. This can be challenging; past games have seen me exhausting ‘Ns’, for the reveal to be ‘Squirrel’…..

Dont make me explain it.

For some reason I can never guess ‘teeth’, even with her great clues. My suggestions are a little more pedestrian. I’ll have to remember that one for tomorrow.

Daughter dropped off it’s a slow toddle with the boy to the school office to pay for an upcoming trip. 25p over, I suggest the secretary place it in the offshore account for a rainy day.

I decide to promote the big man to the front seat for the onward journey to nursery. It’s a 3 point rather than a 5 point (preferred), but even at 2, he has the size and stature to fit safely. Interesting mistake..

Despite me pre-empting and moving the seat back, he can reach everything. He keys my radio, turns on the heated seat and puts the car in second gear. His comprehension is good, so I explain to him that what he is doing isn’t good. He stops.

The passenger window opens. And shuts. He turns and looks at me with the biggest smile in recorded history. And opens it. And shuts it. At this point if he was in the back I would have isolated the windows.

And open..

He then slides the center console open. Just a few centimetres, but enough for OCD daddy. I close it. He looks at me, smiles, and opens it, almost to exactly the same distance. I close it again. He gives a smile and opens it again – I can’t help but admire his curiosity; he knows his time in the front seat is limited.

The toddle into nursery is uneventful, and he joyfully hangs his bag and gillet on his hook. Entry into the playroom is more fraught. He doesn’t want me to leave and I don’t want to leave him. The staff are lovely, and he always settles eventually but not without tears. His strength matches his size and it’s a physical wrench as well as emotional.

There’s something so perverse about having kids then going to work in order to pay for someone else to look after them.