Uncategorized – Page 7 – broke-single-dad

December 11, 2017December 10, 2017

Instant regret.

In this, the Christmas month, I decided that I’d hold off on decorating my house until the cubs were here and could join in.

I decided to start a tradition, based on memories from my childhood; we were going to walk to the shops to get the tree and other decorations.

I’ve recently become concerned about their health and fitness, so this seemed like the perfect solution; it was about a 2 mile round trip.

Current weather

Winter has come to Blighty. It is bitterly cold and there has been intermittent snow but I’m a great believer in there being no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. I told them to get dressed for the walk.

As if by magic, my daughter turned up in the flimsiest of cagoules.

Darling, you’ll need your thick coat. And your hat. And your gloves.

She disagrees.

He duly puts his boots on, then his thick, down jacket and gloves before I have to take it all of him again as he’d done a poo.

She’s adamant that this tiny coat will be enough, ‘as she likes the cold anyway’; I tell her to look up ‘hypothermia’, whilst I get her brother dressed.

Finally attired how I would like them to be, we head out.

Cold!

Although it wasn’t obvious at first.

The vista was lovely. Some snow remained and frost had crept in. It was truly a winter wonderland.

What I hadn’t factored in to this new tradition, was just how slow my son walked. Or how interested in nature he was.

The route was tree lined and almost every fallen leaf clearly needed inspecting.

Every sycamore seed needed testing for airworthiness.

The whole expedition was brought to a halt by two squirrels fighting in a tree. Well, they weren’t fighting, but that’s the story the cubs got. What is it with animals we come across?

Onwards

After a while, my son’s attention turns to his own well-being.

“My neck isn’t feeling well”

A quick once over and he seems fine; we push on. His sister is less talkative. I ask if she’s ok.

She turns to face me, her nose a fetching shade of red.

“I’m glad you made me wear this coat daddy. I think I have hypothermia”

You don’t. We’re nearly there.

“How are we getting the tree back? How are we getting back?”

We’re going to walk.

She thinks for a while.

“This is like a terrible version of a good day.”

I think I’ll rethink that tradition.

Ps – distance covered = 200 metres.

BSD

December 1, 2017September 20, 2018

The race to zero pt.1

About this time of year I undertake a review of my personal finances.

The reason I do this is two-fold;

I want to make sure that I’m in some sort of decent shape for Christmas and
I use this time to set financial goals for next year.

I go through everything, checking that I am on the best deals or using things in the best way; from energy bills to how I do the food shop, nothing goes unchecked.

This December, I’ve decided to take decisive action on my credit card debt and eradicate it over the next year.

My debt isn’t particularly high, but I’m in that daft cycle of paying just above the minimum each month, so effectively only paying the interest on a month by month basis.

This is great for them, not so great for me.

My target is to be down to 1/3 of the available balance on both of my cards by the 2018 review, with the real kicker being that I actually want to zero both cards by the summer, then use them as they should be used.

At the moment, I’m taking calculated risks with my credit cards. My balances are quite high on both but I’m hedging this against my ability to earn more money next year.

I’m not a spend less person but I am a spend wisely person, and that makes all the difference.

I’m also an earn more person and that is the key to this working.

What I intend to do differently over the coming year, is to journal my thoughts, actions and balances (in percentages) in order to either help and inspire others, or to reflect on good and bad practice. I’ll do this once a month.

I have a 3 point strategy

As usual, discipline (and delayed gratification) is the key.

Pay off as much as possible month-by-month, by *snowballing;
Reduce utilisation, as an extension of solid budgeting;
Increase utilisation, through regular payments.

In order for this to be a success, I have to understand my credit cards. The following is what I already know:

Which has the highest interest rate;
Which is more punitive on spending;
Which has the most perks or greater incentive for correct use.

I’ve mentioned correct use a couple of times. With cards, the idea is to keep your balance low then pay it off monthly. Sometimes easier said than done.

My issue came in that transition from two incomes to one; things needed to be bought and paid for. Items that shouldn’t be purchased on a card (when your utilisation of credit is quite high) started to creep on there regularly, rather than once in a blue moon.

As a consequence, I know have a robust set of rules around the use of credit. I’ll place these in the December update.

November 2017

Card 1 = 99.95% utilisation.

Card 2 = 97.22% utilisation.

Time to get to work.

*snowballing – weighting your outgoings to pay off the debt with the highest interest first.

BSD

November 24, 2017November 23, 2017

Holidays are coming…

And I’m talking finances.

For some reason, one of the obvious factors of becoming a single income household, the halving of the number of earners putting in to the family coffers, had not registered on my radar of anything, until that dip in income started to bite.

There is no pressure like financial pressure as it can feel like an ever descending spiral. This can lead to worry and depression which can itself lead to mood swings or some other harmful coping mechanism.

So the lead picture is Santa squaring up for a fight – you get the analogy; Christmas is coming and that can present a real financial squeeze, if you’re not prepared.

Speaking from experience, I’ve done the splurge for the festive season thing. It’s short term gain for long term pain. Historically, I would do this weird thing where I would pay most of my bills, before spending what I wanted to spend. This eventually led to problems, as you can imagine. When bills aren’t paid, companies (rightly) grow concerned and want what is owed them.

Then the letters start

Dealing with them is easier said than done and they are extremely easy to ignore. However, problems rarely go away if ignored so if you find yourself in this uncomfortable situation, give your creditors a call and explain your situation. It’s in all of your best interests to come to a solution.

This post isn’t about that; it’s about this

I want to talk to you about projecting forwards, as prevention is better than cure. I enlisted the help of a dear friend of mine, Zane Groves, an entrepreneur who happens to be a bit of a financial whizz. Good job really as he’s a financial advisor.

He owned his own mortgage consultancy at age 26 but more impressively, manage to grow his business when large institutions were folding as the world experienced the deepest recession in living memory.

He’s a planner and he’s come up with a short and sharp, 6 point plan for a financially fit future. Over to him.

1) What are your goals.

This may seem very obvious but have a plan. This can be from saving for a holiday to a deposit for your first home. Once you know what your goal is, plan how you’re going to get there and the sooner the better!

2) Make saving a habit.

We often say “I can’t afford to save” or I’ve only got £50 to save, what difference will that make. We let me tell you, you’ve been saving for that rainy day for 2 years and the boiler breaks, guess what you’ve got the money so you can pay for it immediately and not get into debt with your flexible friend. If you’re lucky enough not to need it then great!

3) Work pensions.

Pay! your employer does (UK law) and the younger you start the better. The average pension pot at retirement currently stands at £50,000 which isn’t going to go far. If you want a comfortable retirement save as much as you can afford. The same if you’re self-employed.

4) Protect your income.

In most cases spending 1% of your annual salary will protect the other 99%. Don’t rely on the state, incapacity benefit is currently around £88 per week, try living on that one.

5) Reduce your debt.

Where ever possible try and pay down your unsecured debt and focus on the higher interest rate charging vehicles.

6) Invest in yourself.

If finance really isn’t your bag, employ someone who’s it is. You wouldn’t after all get a baker to look after your car so find a suitably qualified financial advisor and let them work with you.

He doesn’t mince his words. As a thank you to him I’ve included a link to his website througout the post.

I want to quickly dig a little deeper on some of his points, which if you look at them again, have one key personal factor involved; self-discipline.

The success depends on your ability to delay your gratification; want it now will lead you back down the rabbit hole.

Finally

My plan for Christmas this year is to splurge, in a controlled manner of course. I’m in a position where I can guarantee overtime for most of 2018. My plan is to put in some extra hours and ‘snowball’ my most expensive debt away. It’ll be tough, but it’s the trade off for running up the cards over 2017.

Please remember this; over the festive period your children ultimately want your time.

Looking back to my childhood, I can’t remember if I ever got that train set, or the Evil Kenevil Rocket Edition, but I can remember being loved, warm and safe.

I can remember spending time decorating the tree and I can remember falling asleep on the sofa, full of food and watching Christmas films. Relax and be happy!

BSD

If you are struggling with debt, please seek help; there are some great free resources available online.

If you’re in the market for financial products as well as good advice, please check out Mr Zane Grove’s website

November 20, 2017

I’ve made you some cookies!

I’ve noticed that I go quiet when the cubs aren’t around. I am planning another finance post based around single parent issues, but that’s taking some time to come together.

In the meantime, get your head around this sweet horror story.

On the way home; again.

I hadn’t seen them for a few days as they were with their mum last weekend, so I was pretty excited to pick them both up.

Him first, and he was as excited as me. I like to have a catch up in the car, even though we had ‘face timed’ over the weekend.

He mumbled incoherently for a bit, before effervescently telling me that he wanted a pet, a spider-dog, and that it should be called Adam.

He waited for my response, which didn’t come (could you answer that one..?) then promptly fell asleep. He’d clearly put a shift in at nursery.

Befuddled, I went to get her.

More great cuddles and she has news. She always has news.

“DAD! I’ve baked you some cookies!”

Oh that’s lovely darling; thank you.

“You’re welcome! I made them on Saturday!”

I picked one out of the bag and ate it, ignoring the funny colouring.

“It did have icing on it…”

Oh? I said, hoping it had fallen off at some point over the past two days…

“I find the icing irresistible! it’s just so tasty!”

Oh no

“So I licked it all off whilst they were still warm”

BSD

November 14, 2017

On the drive home; and there’s been a case of Head Licence.

“Dad; there’s been a case of head licence at school”

Eh? a case of what?

“Head licence”

I think you mean head lice dear. A licence is…well, it doesn’t matter now.

“One of the boys has them. He was working at his desk and one jumped out onto his book”

Are you sure darling? that’s quite unusual. Did you see it happen?

“No, but one of my friends did and she’s been a good source of information in the past”

I think you listen to daddy talk too closely. Anyway, head lice are quite common and pretty easy to pass from person to person. They only like clean hair.

“I should probably stop washing mine then”

“I think the cold kills them so we should be ok now.”

That’s good to know

“I’m not sure how they feel about spring though”

Who??

“The head licence; the cold kills them. It’s pretty cold in Spring still isn’t it?”

Lice. Cold? Who told you that anyway? Was this your friend again?

“No; this was a teacher.”

Well….?!!?…..Ok.

Armistice

“Dad; they’ve taken down all those poppies that we saw on the lamppost yesterday”

They were up for Remembrance Sunday / Armistice day where we pay tribute to those who lost their lives during conflicts and wars.

“How many people died?”

Quite a …..

“And before you say ‘a lot’ can you give me a number please. I need that level of detail”

Jesus.

Well i’m not sure but it was in the 10’s of millions. You’d think that with all that loss of life, humanity would lear……

“PADDINGTON IS ON AT THE CINEMA!!”

I guess she is only 7.

Good habits

“Dad”

Yes darling?

“I really don’t like coming home in the dark; can you work a bit less?”

I’d love to, but life is a balancing act at the moment. No work no pay.

“There isn’t a lot of time to do anything by the time we get home”

You could do your homework? there’s always time for that.

“………………………………………..why would you even say that…?”

“Dad”

(Christ) Yes?

“Have you had grapes with cheese before? they’re fantastic! you really should try it!”

Yeah I do darling; quite often.

“Oh ok. Do you like them”

Yes. Adults will often have them with a glass of red wine.

“Really?”

Yes

“So can I have some in my packed lunch tomorrow?”

What; cheese and grapes?

“Yes”

Yes of course

“And you’d better put the wine in my water bottle or the teachers might want some”

This conversation was approximately 5 minutes of a 45 minute journey.

BSD

November 5, 2017November 4, 2017

We are what we eat?

Modern diets

Can leave a lot to be desired. As a dad, it always amazed when doing a food shop that the price of processed food was much cheaper than whole foods, therefore making process foods more accessible or at least more tempting to those on a tight budget.

I’m not a fan of fast food but that doesn’t mean I won’t eat it. I tend to use it as emergency food, mostly when I’m pressed for time. For example, I exited the school-run so late that we were in what I call the ‘bedtime window’ (too much Call-of-Duty!) while we were still on the road. The bedtime window is the hour between 6 and 7, where I want the cubs to have eaten and be winding down to their bedtime routine. As we were still driving, I pulled a pit-stop at the golden arches.

Global problem

Obesity is on the up; rates of Cancer are terrifying! in my 44 years the likelihood has gone from 1 in 4 to 1 in 2! How the heck did that happen? I’ve no doubt that our reliance on fossil fuels has something to do with it but we cant ignore the diet element. This made me think about what I put in my body, and definitely what I put in on my cub’s plates.

Superfoods

A while back I think I might have been banging on about what I put on my porridge in the morning. I always have porridge for breakfast. Mostly. When I do, I load it. Here’s what goes in:

1 Banana
Blueberries
Smooth peanut butter
Powdered Ginger
Nutmeg
Cinnamon
Turmeric.

It’s quite a lot I know but I always do this. I may occasionally put mixed nuts in but I’m not very good at buying nuts for some reason. The bottom 4 products are out of the spice rack.

So why these?

Well the list has grown over time; It started with bananas and nuts. If memory serves, the list grew dependant on how hard I was training. The idea was that I would do my morning workout, then eat a breakfast that left me satiated until lunch. I don’t mind snacking, as long as I snack healthily.

I became more interested into foods as fuels so I bought ‘The Illustrated Food Remedies Sourcebook’ by C. Norman Shealy MD. PHD

Closer look

It’s described as an A-Z of foods that can be used as natural remedies. I love it. Click on the pic if you want to buy and make me a penny!

Eating the right foods will benefit you. I sounds so blindingly obvious that you’d wonder why we ever strayed from this thinking.

I now structure my weekly shop around foodstuffs that will benefit the cub’s physical development.

My spices

Ginger (root,raw)

Glycemic load = 0

Helps with:

Nausea and upset stomach
Nausea from chemotherapy, travel sickness, pregnancy and menstruation
Immune health
Circulation
Reduces inflammation and osteoarthritic pain.

Nutmeg

There’s no entry for nutmeg….??

Cinnamon

Glycemic load = 1

Helps with:

Diabetes
Atherosclerosis
Heart disease
IBS.

Turmeric

Glycemic load = 0

Helps with:

IBS
Rheumatoid arthritis
Coronary artery disease
Atherosclerosis.

Disclaimer

Folks; do your own due diligence. There are some pretty big claims against some of these foods and I can’t qualify them.

I do know that I feel better for eating well and less so if I let my diet slip.

I’m off to look up what Glycemic load is.

BSD

October 24, 2017

Half term

‘Calamity Jane has anger issues’

According to my eldest cub.

‘She nearly shot someone in the cheek!’

I couldn’t disagree.

It had always been a favourite film of mine having had it forced upon me as a child by my parents. As such, when she came home singing about The Deadwood Stage, I gladly joined in.

She was surprised and happy, so all three of us had a singsong comprising of the words that we could remember.

We were even more surprised to find that in packing their bag for the week, their mum had included a DVD of the movie, still in the wrapper. On it went.

It had been a pretty uneventful day thus far and I was feeling sluggish as a result of an 05:45 start courtesy of my youngest.

During the week of half term, I had planned to alternate a day at home and a day out somewhere just to keep things balanced. A mix up earlier this month by the authorities had left me with bingo cash for the remainder of the month. I’d known things were going to be tight so I’d planned some cheap and cheerful activities to fill out time.

First things first, we indulged in a bit of housekeeping. During home day yesterday, the youngest cub decided to investigate and distribute a pack of loom bands around his sister’s room.

I don’t recall how much I paid for the pack of loom bands, but there seem to be roughly 4.5 million on the floor so I guess I got good value for money.

Luckily, she had the great idea of using the vacuum cleaner, once the cylinder was emptied so it actually became a non-issue.

Out of all the plans I’d had in my head today, we opted for the park in our old village. It’s a firm favourite and never disappoints.

The eldest clambered aboard her favourite apparatus; the death slide. The youngest watched as she whizzed past, whooping with joy.

He wanted some of the action.

They decided to both get on.

Initially, they asked me for help; but as I’m keen for them to develop independence, I told them to figure it out. I find that the rewards that come with hard work are so much sweeter and I hope to evolve that in them too.

Success

Both on, they had their first slide. Judging by the screams, it was everything they’d hoped for.

They sprinted back to the launch for round two. Their arrangement looked a little precarious but not wanting to be a helicopter parent, I stood back. The ground was covered in lovely, soft wood chips and pine so they wouldn’t come to harm even if they did have a spill.

Then, as with most human endeavour, confidence outweighed competence. Hands were coming off the slide in motion to wave in joy.

As they hit the stop, the halted motion whilst dampened, was enough to eject both passengers inverted.

She landed across her shoulders and neck; he, on top of her, landing on his face. Cue tears.

And mild concussion.

They’re fine.

I do not own the image above.

BSD

October 18, 2017

Saturday’s adventure.

They wanted Seaworld. I wanted outdoors; the weather was too nice.

I did a quick search of places to visit with kids and up popped Millet’s Farm in Oxfordshire. We’d been before for various reasons but on this occasions their falconry centre caught my eye.

My eldest wants to be an explorer and as such, she is already a keen naturalist. My youngest likes Angry Birds and in particular ‘Mighty Eagle’ so win win.

Wrong

I herded them across the car-park and towards the separate entrance to the Falconry Centre.

In a touch of Pied Piper marketing genius, I had to walk them through a well resourced, adventure playground, a trampoline park and a merry-go-round to get to the entrance. By the time we had got there, sparks were coming off of the heels of the youngest and he was on the edge of tears.

Luckily, this was the view from the cash-desk..

The bigger of the two birds, which I initially thought was a Golden Eagle, turned out to be a juvenile Bald (Mighty) Eagle.

A quick ‘Hey guys; look through there…’ soon gave rise to gasps of excitement. We went in. As is now the norm, the eldest got to take the photos, apart from the video below, where I tried desperately to catch the Eagle’s cry..

It turned away at the precise moment.

They have a dazzling array of Birds of Prey, including Owls and you can get quite close to them.

My daughter got a little too close to this one; the resulting warning cry stopped her in her tracks.

She once stroked a Swan when we went to feed the ducks when she was three. It was pretty startled but as it was bigger than her and she had bread in her other hand, she was tolerated.

I’ll have to train that out of her before she starts encountering bigger animals.

They also have some other animals, such as Raccoons and Meerkats and we stood and watched a family have a close encounter with them (at extra cost).

The keepers were very knowledgeable and happy to answer questions.

This Boobook Owl was on his way back from the flying field when this keeper got papped and then quizzed. It’s a lovely looking creature that has that look like it has just overheard the most profane of words.

file pic

As with any zoological institution, there was the question of morality. As we walked around some of the birds were naturally startled and flew to the furthest reaches of their aviaries, only to be met by netting.

To Millet’s credit, all of the birds looked healthy and the whole place was meticulously clean. Their conservation statement can be viewed here and what they write is promising. The decline in some species in the UK is worrying.

All in all, this centre is well worth a visit and pretty good value for money too. Even with one ride for all of us on the Carousel, the whole day cost just under £30.

I’ve no idea what this is; the sign fell over.

BSD

This is not a sponsored post.

October 16, 2017October 15, 2017

Gingerbread men; all over again.

With the memory of our last escapade behind her, my daughter and I have ventured into the kitchen again. She’s been asking since Thursday if we can bake together; a request I couldn’t refuse. We opted for gingerbread men.

It was gorgeous today. The colloquial term is an Indian Summer, meaning that we had unseasonably warm temperatures so I took us all off to the play-park where we used to live.

It elicits mixed emotions but good ones on the whole. The village itself is bucolic perfection and the play-park is in keeping. It was full of young families who had a similar thought process to me.

On the way home we stopped off at the supermarket to pick up a few items for the bake. Then back to the corner shop for some that I’d forgotten. I really should make lists again.

Back home, the Kindle HD was fired up and ‘Gingerbread’ tapped into the search engine. Good old BBC Food came up first, so they got the honour.

My son was happy on a chair in the kitchen watching the proceedings, no doubt eagerly awaiting the end result.

Regulars (I have regulars!) will remember me saying that I needed to buy some extra bits in order to bake successfully a while back. Well I still need to buy them.

There was more than a little ‘At mum’s house we have that…’ which I duly ignored. Golden Syrup was subbed with honey and the imaginary scales that I was certain I had failed to materialise, so much was done by sight.

At this point, I realised that things weren’t going well but we pressed on…

I quickly learnt that flour doesn’t stick to a pint glass and a pint glass is a poor substitute for a rolling pin. No matter; onwards.

The cookie cutters became moulds, as this hateful mess refused to go anywhere I wanted in it’s entirety. The cubs were pretty happy though as they got the job of cleaning the utensils and mixing bowl.

In the oven they went.

Out the oven they came.

Yes. I even added some chocolate chunks for buttons and eyes, or a groin and shin judging by the previous photo. Now was the hard bit; sit and wait for 10 minutes before decorating…

Before we go any further, I realise that the cutters are cutters and not moulds but the viscosity of the mixture was such that I was on to a loser. Into the oven they went.

With the cubs waiting with baited breath, I made my move to seperate man from mould.

They crumbled and so did she. Cue tears.

15 minutes later I had managed to rouse a do-or-die spirit within her and back she came to decorate. Her brother and her sharing the stool and eating more than they decorated but hey; that’s the point isn’t it.

I really need to go shopping.

BSD

October 10, 2017

This is playing on my mind…

TV is full of it; timelines are full of it; my mind is full

I think I’ve been naive, and maybe I still am.

I’m talking about male predation and sexual assault/inappropriateness/harassment.

Just grab ’em by the *****

You get the picture.

It scares me and angers me all at once that men in a position of power (real or perceived) think that they can act however they want or take whatever they want; to feel that entitled and beyond reproach that they try to impose their will on others, by force if necessary.

It scares me as a father of a young girl;
It scares me as a father of a young boy;
It angers me as a man and a human being.

Understanding

The psychologist in me seeks to understand the behaviour of individuals in all cases but I will admit to a fog of anger descending when I hear such stories.

A close friend of mine told me one such story recently. She conveyed it in a jovial, almost dismissive way, stating that if she didn’t laugh, she would cry. After a couple of full paragraphs from her my only response was ‘Jesus…’

She relayed a little more and my response was the same; ‘Jesus’

Sensing my shock, she then gave me another couple of examples of men taking advantage and this time, she ended the story with

ask any woman you know..

I didn’t need to.

I had heard stories historically but somehow I’d managed to box them off as individual incidents in my mind.

Now I was joining the dots and I could feel anger rising inside me.

Not just high profile

I’ll be honest; I don’t know what to write next.

I want to talk about self-defence. I’m a martial artist and for a long time, I’ve been an advocate of everyone learning to defend themselves, especially women. But then I ask myself

‘Why should you have to?’

I’ve deleted more than I’ve written (mostly expletives) so I’ll go here. I can’t fix the world but I want to prepare my cubs for it whilst protecting their innocence.

For my son

How to be a man; a real man. That means being a humanitarian, a communicator and showing respect whilst ensuring you get respected. Hearing no and understanding that and not overstepping the line in the first place. To take responsibility. Not to stand by.

For my daughter

Having the strength to say no and the courage to act* under the circumstances. To recognise what is appropriate and what is not. To be a humanitarian but to not feel responsible for the poor behaviour of others.

I don’t blog well when I’m angry.

BSD

*this isn’t meant as criticism or victim blaming. I’m just angry.