Parenting – Page 9 – broke-single-dad

November 24, 2017November 23, 2017

Holidays are coming…

And I’m talking finances.

For some reason, one of the obvious factors of becoming a single income household, the halving of the number of earners putting in to the family coffers, had not registered on my radar of anything, until that dip in income started to bite.

There is no pressure like financial pressure as it can feel like an ever descending spiral. This can lead to worry and depression which can itself lead to mood swings or some other harmful coping mechanism.

So the lead picture is Santa squaring up for a fight – you get the analogy; Christmas is coming and that can present a real financial squeeze, if you’re not prepared.

Speaking from experience, I’ve done the splurge for the festive season thing. It’s short term gain for long term pain. Historically, I would do this weird thing where I would pay most of my bills, before spending what I wanted to spend. This eventually led to problems, as you can imagine. When bills aren’t paid, companies (rightly) grow concerned and want what is owed them.

Then the letters start

Dealing with them is easier said than done and they are extremely easy to ignore. However, problems rarely go away if ignored so if you find yourself in this uncomfortable situation, give your creditors a call and explain your situation. It’s in all of your best interests to come to a solution.

This post isn’t about that; it’s about this

I want to talk to you about projecting forwards, as prevention is better than cure. I enlisted the help of a dear friend of mine, Zane Groves, an entrepreneur who happens to be a bit of a financial whizz. Good job really as he’s a financial advisor.

He owned his own mortgage consultancy at age 26 but more impressively, manage to grow his business when large institutions were folding as the world experienced the deepest recession in living memory.

He’s a planner and he’s come up with a short and sharp, 6 point plan for a financially fit future. Over to him.

1) What are your goals.

This may seem very obvious but have a plan. This can be from saving for a holiday to a deposit for your first home. Once you know what your goal is, plan how you’re going to get there and the sooner the better!

2) Make saving a habit.

We often say “I can’t afford to save” or I’ve only got £50 to save, what difference will that make. We let me tell you, you’ve been saving for that rainy day for 2 years and the boiler breaks, guess what you’ve got the money so you can pay for it immediately and not get into debt with your flexible friend. If you’re lucky enough not to need it then great!

3) Work pensions.

Pay! your employer does (UK law) and the younger you start the better. The average pension pot at retirement currently stands at £50,000 which isn’t going to go far. If you want a comfortable retirement save as much as you can afford. The same if you’re self-employed.

4) Protect your income.

In most cases spending 1% of your annual salary will protect the other 99%. Don’t rely on the state, incapacity benefit is currently around £88 per week, try living on that one.

5) Reduce your debt.

Where ever possible try and pay down your unsecured debt and focus on the higher interest rate charging vehicles.

6) Invest in yourself.

If finance really isn’t your bag, employ someone who’s it is. You wouldn’t after all get a baker to look after your car so find a suitably qualified financial advisor and let them work with you.

He doesn’t mince his words. As a thank you to him I’ve included a link to his website througout the post.

I want to quickly dig a little deeper on some of his points, which if you look at them again, have one key personal factor involved; self-discipline.

The success depends on your ability to delay your gratification; want it now will lead you back down the rabbit hole.

Finally

My plan for Christmas this year is to splurge, in a controlled manner of course. I’m in a position where I can guarantee overtime for most of 2018. My plan is to put in some extra hours and ‘snowball’ my most expensive debt away. It’ll be tough, but it’s the trade off for running up the cards over 2017.

Please remember this; over the festive period your children ultimately want your time.

Looking back to my childhood, I can’t remember if I ever got that train set, or the Evil Kenevil Rocket Edition, but I can remember being loved, warm and safe.

I can remember spending time decorating the tree and I can remember falling asleep on the sofa, full of food and watching Christmas films. Relax and be happy!

BSD

If you are struggling with debt, please seek help; there are some great free resources available online.

If you’re in the market for financial products as well as good advice, please check out Mr Zane Grove’s website

November 20, 2017

I’ve made you some cookies!

I’ve noticed that I go quiet when the cubs aren’t around. I am planning another finance post based around single parent issues, but that’s taking some time to come together.

In the meantime, get your head around this sweet horror story.

On the way home; again.

I hadn’t seen them for a few days as they were with their mum last weekend, so I was pretty excited to pick them both up.

Him first, and he was as excited as me. I like to have a catch up in the car, even though we had ‘face timed’ over the weekend.

He mumbled incoherently for a bit, before effervescently telling me that he wanted a pet, a spider-dog, and that it should be called Adam.

He waited for my response, which didn’t come (could you answer that one..?) then promptly fell asleep. He’d clearly put a shift in at nursery.

Befuddled, I went to get her.

More great cuddles and she has news. She always has news.

“DAD! I’ve baked you some cookies!”

Oh that’s lovely darling; thank you.

“You’re welcome! I made them on Saturday!”

I picked one out of the bag and ate it, ignoring the funny colouring.

“It did have icing on it…”

Oh? I said, hoping it had fallen off at some point over the past two days…

“I find the icing irresistible! it’s just so tasty!”

Oh no

“So I licked it all off whilst they were still warm”

BSD

November 14, 2017

On the drive home; and there’s been a case of Head Licence.

“Dad; there’s been a case of head licence at school”

Eh? a case of what?

“Head licence”

I think you mean head lice dear. A licence is…well, it doesn’t matter now.

“One of the boys has them. He was working at his desk and one jumped out onto his book”

Are you sure darling? that’s quite unusual. Did you see it happen?

“No, but one of my friends did and she’s been a good source of information in the past”

I think you listen to daddy talk too closely. Anyway, head lice are quite common and pretty easy to pass from person to person. They only like clean hair.

“I should probably stop washing mine then”

“I think the cold kills them so we should be ok now.”

That’s good to know

“I’m not sure how they feel about spring though”

Who??

“The head licence; the cold kills them. It’s pretty cold in Spring still isn’t it?”

Lice. Cold? Who told you that anyway? Was this your friend again?

“No; this was a teacher.”

Well….?!!?…..Ok.

Armistice

“Dad; they’ve taken down all those poppies that we saw on the lamppost yesterday”

They were up for Remembrance Sunday / Armistice day where we pay tribute to those who lost their lives during conflicts and wars.

“How many people died?”

Quite a …..

“And before you say ‘a lot’ can you give me a number please. I need that level of detail”

Jesus.

Well i’m not sure but it was in the 10’s of millions. You’d think that with all that loss of life, humanity would lear……

“PADDINGTON IS ON AT THE CINEMA!!”

I guess she is only 7.

Good habits

“Dad”

Yes darling?

“I really don’t like coming home in the dark; can you work a bit less?”

I’d love to, but life is a balancing act at the moment. No work no pay.

“There isn’t a lot of time to do anything by the time we get home”

You could do your homework? there’s always time for that.

“………………………………………..why would you even say that…?”

“Dad”

(Christ) Yes?

“Have you had grapes with cheese before? they’re fantastic! you really should try it!”

Yeah I do darling; quite often.

“Oh ok. Do you like them”

Yes. Adults will often have them with a glass of red wine.

“Really?”

Yes

“So can I have some in my packed lunch tomorrow?”

What; cheese and grapes?

“Yes”

Yes of course

“And you’d better put the wine in my water bottle or the teachers might want some”

This conversation was approximately 5 minutes of a 45 minute journey.

BSD

November 11, 2017

Learning the language; a Saturday short..

We’re all in the kitchen; its breakfast and I’m making the porridge.

She’s knuckles deep in the mixed nuts, separating the almonds and he’s milling about, generally under my feet.

I don’t usually like them being in the kitchen when I’m cooking but they’ve gravitated back; I haven’t seen them for a while so I allow it.

He is learning to read and is able recognise certain letters, especially those in his name. His current phase is to mistake any word that begins with the first letter of his name for his name. It’s an interesting premise.

He points to the washing machine:

“That’s my name!”

No darling; it’s not.

“Yes it is!”

Well no, it’s not, because…..

“IT IS!”

He’s becoming upset.

Darling; you’re name isn’t Mixed Load.

“That’s not my name!?”

He sounded quite indignant.

BSD

November 8, 2017

Heart truly touched!

02:09 this morning, I was woken up by the sound of singing.

I lifted my head off of the pillow to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

Yep. Definitely singing.

My initial, waking thought was one of terror, until remembered that the cubs were here and they had decided to share a bed that evening.

The feeling quickly turned to one of a protective dad, but as my confusion cleared, that clarity reassured me that it was my daughter’s voice.

All sounded ok; I lay my head down.

The next morning, I roused them with the usual rendition of ‘Good morning; good morning! You’ve slept the whole night through…’ and a barrage of kisses.

As they both came around, I asked if one of them had been singing last night.

“Yeah that was me..” said my daughter. She pointed at her brother.

“He couldn’t sleep and asked me to sing him a lullaby. I couldn’t remember one so I hummed to him instead until he went to sleep.”

I’m still sighing now, 13 hours later.

BSD

October 28, 2017

YAY! POO!

Moreover, perpetually smelling it.

As any parent of young cubs will know, poo plays quite a prominent role in your day.

Nappy changes, potty training and generally forgetting that toilets need flushing are all part of the jolly tapestry of the reward that is parenting.

Understand this; I’m a clean freak. My home is tidy for the majority of the time and I’m no fan of this ‘lived in’ philosophy. I prefer the showhome standpoint. My two beg to differ and occasionally, I’m happy to compromise.

The Saturday routine I had as a kid was that we would all chip in and help clean the house; this has extended into my adulthood.

Today was no different and the cubs are doing their rooms. Well my son isn’t but he’s only 3.

They were upstairs as I cleaned the kitchen. Occasionally I’d pop up, if only to restore some civil order where my son had wondered in to my daughter’s room and refused to leave.

As I neared, I was met by a poo haze, and my youngest in his favoured ‘mid poo’ squat.

Come on big man; time for a bum change.

‘Not finished yet!’ Was his customary reply and this time was no different. I waited.

His sister’s room was full of the most interesting funk so I opened the windows.

Eventually, he followed me. Before we went through the process I opened the windows. I do like open windows and whatever the weather, this is my first job on waking. A home benefits from a good blow through.

‘It’s a sloppy one daddy!’

I appreciated the warning, and the fact that his vocabulary is coming along so well.

Change done. No drama. He ran back to his sister’s room.

It smelt of poo, despite the windows being open. Hmmm.

I went downstairs with the offending package bagged up.

Downstairs smelt of poo.

I couldn’t understand it. Windows were open but it lingered.

I put the bag in the outside bin;

Outside smelt of poo.

By the time I came back in, both cubs were downstairs and hunting for snacks. My daughter looked at me, and screamed.

Well actually, it was more of a scream/laugh thing, accompanied by her pointing.

DAD! THERE’S POO ON YOUR NOSE!!

That explained it.

BSD.

October 25, 2017

Not quite ready…

For that conversation.

‘Daddy look at this!’

What is it darling?

‘These two pigeons on next door’s roof are fighting; they’re having an argument’

How so?

‘Yep they’re definitely arguing. One has climbed on top of the other one!’

I don’t think they’re arguing sweetie but it will probably end up that way.

I’m a romantic at heart.

BSD

October 24, 2017

Half term

‘Calamity Jane has anger issues’

According to my eldest cub.

‘She nearly shot someone in the cheek!’

I couldn’t disagree.

It had always been a favourite film of mine having had it forced upon me as a child by my parents. As such, when she came home singing about The Deadwood Stage, I gladly joined in.

She was surprised and happy, so all three of us had a singsong comprising of the words that we could remember.

We were even more surprised to find that in packing their bag for the week, their mum had included a DVD of the movie, still in the wrapper. On it went.

It had been a pretty uneventful day thus far and I was feeling sluggish as a result of an 05:45 start courtesy of my youngest.

During the week of half term, I had planned to alternate a day at home and a day out somewhere just to keep things balanced. A mix up earlier this month by the authorities had left me with bingo cash for the remainder of the month. I’d known things were going to be tight so I’d planned some cheap and cheerful activities to fill out time.

First things first, we indulged in a bit of housekeeping. During home day yesterday, the youngest cub decided to investigate and distribute a pack of loom bands around his sister’s room.

I don’t recall how much I paid for the pack of loom bands, but there seem to be roughly 4.5 million on the floor so I guess I got good value for money.

Luckily, she had the great idea of using the vacuum cleaner, once the cylinder was emptied so it actually became a non-issue.

Out of all the plans I’d had in my head today, we opted for the park in our old village. It’s a firm favourite and never disappoints.

The eldest clambered aboard her favourite apparatus; the death slide. The youngest watched as she whizzed past, whooping with joy.

He wanted some of the action.

They decided to both get on.

Initially, they asked me for help; but as I’m keen for them to develop independence, I told them to figure it out. I find that the rewards that come with hard work are so much sweeter and I hope to evolve that in them too.

Success

Both on, they had their first slide. Judging by the screams, it was everything they’d hoped for.

They sprinted back to the launch for round two. Their arrangement looked a little precarious but not wanting to be a helicopter parent, I stood back. The ground was covered in lovely, soft wood chips and pine so they wouldn’t come to harm even if they did have a spill.

Then, as with most human endeavour, confidence outweighed competence. Hands were coming off the slide in motion to wave in joy.

As they hit the stop, the halted motion whilst dampened, was enough to eject both passengers inverted.

She landed across her shoulders and neck; he, on top of her, landing on his face. Cue tears.

And mild concussion.

They’re fine.

I do not own the image above.

BSD

October 23, 2017November 4, 2017

Short one; buttons pushed.

It’s half term; the cubs are with me.

“Daddy; your room is bigger than mine”

Well I’m here all the time; you two are only here sometimes.

“Your bed is quite big though, but I think mummy gets annoyed with you when you snore in her face”

Yes well luckily mummy doesn’t have to put up with that anymore.

Not sure why that annoyed me so much….

BSD

October 18, 2017

Saturday’s adventure.

They wanted Seaworld. I wanted outdoors; the weather was too nice.

I did a quick search of places to visit with kids and up popped Millet’s Farm in Oxfordshire. We’d been before for various reasons but on this occasions their falconry centre caught my eye.

My eldest wants to be an explorer and as such, she is already a keen naturalist. My youngest likes Angry Birds and in particular ‘Mighty Eagle’ so win win.

Wrong

I herded them across the car-park and towards the separate entrance to the Falconry Centre.

In a touch of Pied Piper marketing genius, I had to walk them through a well resourced, adventure playground, a trampoline park and a merry-go-round to get to the entrance. By the time we had got there, sparks were coming off of the heels of the youngest and he was on the edge of tears.

Luckily, this was the view from the cash-desk..

The bigger of the two birds, which I initially thought was a Golden Eagle, turned out to be a juvenile Bald (Mighty) Eagle.

A quick ‘Hey guys; look through there…’ soon gave rise to gasps of excitement. We went in. As is now the norm, the eldest got to take the photos, apart from the video below, where I tried desperately to catch the Eagle’s cry..

It turned away at the precise moment.

They have a dazzling array of Birds of Prey, including Owls and you can get quite close to them.

My daughter got a little too close to this one; the resulting warning cry stopped her in her tracks.

She once stroked a Swan when we went to feed the ducks when she was three. It was pretty startled but as it was bigger than her and she had bread in her other hand, she was tolerated.

I’ll have to train that out of her before she starts encountering bigger animals.

They also have some other animals, such as Raccoons and Meerkats and we stood and watched a family have a close encounter with them (at extra cost).

The keepers were very knowledgeable and happy to answer questions.

This Boobook Owl was on his way back from the flying field when this keeper got papped and then quizzed. It’s a lovely looking creature that has that look like it has just overheard the most profane of words.

file pic

As with any zoological institution, there was the question of morality. As we walked around some of the birds were naturally startled and flew to the furthest reaches of their aviaries, only to be met by netting.

To Millet’s credit, all of the birds looked healthy and the whole place was meticulously clean. Their conservation statement can be viewed here and what they write is promising. The decline in some species in the UK is worrying.

All in all, this centre is well worth a visit and pretty good value for money too. Even with one ride for all of us on the Carousel, the whole day cost just under £30.

I’ve no idea what this is; the sign fell over.

BSD

This is not a sponsored post.