School run

It’s business as usual by the time I pick up my daughter. 

My son is asleep within 5 minutes of me driving off. The day is warm so I don’t blame him. 

She is full of energy and big hugs which is always something I look forward to. I ask her about her day. 

My friend hypnotised me with a piece of bread and I’ve been practicing my kicks. I can kick to a child’s head!

Ok. I don’t want to know how she knows that, but as I received no phone calls during the day, I’m good. 


Cooking, drinking and thinking…

Thankfully the sun is still shining when I get back to my car and in fact all day, it has been seasonal bliss. 
Ingredients time! I intended to do a shop on the train home but I actually fell asleep! I have a habit of keeping late nights and early mornings and my body is starting to rebel. 

On the way home I visualised salmon, salad onions and vegetable rice smothered in sesame seeds. 

I read somewhere about the benefits of turmeric (I can’t remember exactly what it did) so I got some of that too. Add some paprika and pesto (thinking ahead) and we’re in business. 

I must say I really do have the cooking bug now and it’s a lot of fun, and so much easier to eat healthily. 
Salmon something

Wash a cupful of rice in [filtered] water. Place in a small pan and add more [filtered] water. I’ll stop with the parenthesis soon. Add a dash of sesame oil and a sprinkle of paprika. Place on a low heat. 

Pre-heat the grill to a medium high heat and foil line a grill pan. Wash the salad onions and chop finely. Grab some garlic and chop that too. Drizzle some oil on the foil and add paprika and turmeric. Drop the chopped stuff on it and mix with your hands. 

Wash and dry your hands and then realise that your ingredients will stain anything you touch

Take the salmon and rub it in the chopped stuff; place it all under the grill.

This one is a pretty quick cooker, depending on how you like your salmon. 

From coming in through the door to serving up in under an hour; not bad going. 

Shame it didn’t taste so good. I think i’ll ditch one of the big spices next time. 

Following dinner I spent a considerable part of the evening sitting in the lounge and being with my own thoughts. As the evening drew in I lay there, feet up and sipping wine, thinking. 

Where I am right now is where I need to be right now, but it’s not where I will stay. 

How tough is this one? It shouldn’t be.

 I’m going to let you in to a secret; this was one of the best moments in my life.



The birth of my daughter; the everyday miracle that happened to me (us). Following what was quite a difficult birth, our daughter was cleaned up and placed on the scales.

I looked at her and she looked back..

Her eyes looked deep and dark (most babies are actually born blue eyed!) she didn’t cry or make a sound. She just moved her fingers a little and stared at the voice she was already familiar with, welcoming her into the world.

I had talked and read to her in the womb. The benefits of a deep voice paying dividends.

She was perfect in every way; I was in tears.

I had the privilege of being the first person to change her nappy. She fit in the palm of my hand! I was fascinated by her perfection, especially those little toes!

That was the moment I discovered unconditional love.

On reflection, it’s a shame mum and I couldn’t find something similar.

Four years later, we were blessed again. This time with a son (more on his birth another time).

Two years later, I’m here writing this. Life isn’t perfect but it is good and I am grateful for everything I have.

I now have the most important mission ahead and I cannot fail

How I act, what I say, who I am will be my children’s blueprint for their future relationships.

The behaviour I display, will be the behaviour my daughter accepts and my son perpetuates. I have to get this right.

More on Wednesday




Things I’m thankful for…

I’m thankful for making it to day 2 of my fitness challenge; work in progress!

I’m thankful for my son, who cried to get into my bed and once I acquiesced, told me he didn’t like the fan and went back to his bed, leaving me wide awake.

I’m thankful for my daughter, who despite being only 7 managed to occupy territory (in my bed) roughly the equivalent of Luxembourg.

I’m thankful for my son, who after his usual bath and bedtime routine dropped a poo bomb that saw us repeating the whole process.

I’m thankful to my daughter, who woke up 20 minutes after I got to bed to get me to choose my favourite character from Shakespeare’s “Taming of the Shrew” (children’s edition) whilst covering my bald head in stickers. I love my life and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Ps; I’m growing things on my window sill now. Lettuce and mint. The idea was to eat more healthily…


The mint has gone in gin.



Home sweet home

When your daughter draws this on your computer and gives it that title, you know you’ve done something right, even though it feels wrong. 


Wednesday’s thoughts

Following an [extremely convincing] internet scare story I now have a water filter complete with a year’s worth of cartridges. The idea is to reduce the intake of heavy metals for me and my kids. I’m not embarrassed. 

Listening to the shocking statistic that 1 in 2 of us will now develop cancer in our lifetime i’m taking no chances; after all, it did for my mother

There has to be something in our modern lifestyle behind it, as I can well remember when that stat was 1 in 3. Surely if we keep going at this rate, cancer will be an inevitability?
I skipped class tonight. It took a lot of willpower not to skip supper too. Intermittent fasting relies heavily on eating well and exercising. I planned to fill the time when the kids aren’t here with the things i used to enjoy doing; running, gym, martial arts and cooking. 

My self-discipline needs a little work but it’s not far from where it should be.

This morning..

Having sat up way too late last night to do her hair I elected to take things a bit easier this morning.  

Working on the ‘a little of what you like’ principle they both get a bowl of frosted corn flakes for breakfast rather than the usual porridge. I’ve decided to begin intermittent fasting again.

They’re with their mum tonight and indeed for the rest of the week as I’m working so I want to make the most of them. I’ve packed their bags with everything they’ll need until they’re back under my roof again.

This is going to take some getting used to…

My time-keeping  anxieties came back with a vengeance and I was quickly aware of the language I was using around the kids. ‘Hurry up!’ ‘Stop dawdling’ ‘Speed up!’ ‘Tell me in the car!’

One thing I do quite well is listen to myself, and this time I didn’t like what I was hearing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them, I smiled. I was suddenly aware of the message that I needed to give my children right now.


I sat on the closed toilet, and hugged my daughter tightly.


My son, hating to miss out on intimacy comes barreling in. On noticing the comb in my other hand he swiftly 180s and sprints away into the bedroom.

The second error of the day hits me when I take a friends advice and ditch the motorway for the more rural route. I become traffic for quite a while.

Evening thoughts..

How do you coparent effectively?

Where the heck do you start?

It’s a minefield trying to set standards for your children when you couldn’t make a relationship work as adults. 

Even the basics have the potential to descend into some fresh hell. 

I’m tired. Fresh start and a fresh outlook needed. No more tonight. 

Monday afternoon

It’s amazing how quickly the time goes before it’s pick up time again.

I’ve calculated that dropping and collecting both puts 2 hours (each way) on my day. That’s a lot and I’m tired already. Work are being good and I put in the hours in the evening or when they’re with their mum, but something has to give.

The big man is first and I find him stripped to his vest, the day starting cold but turning hot sees me taking John McClane to get his things. He’s cold to me at first, probably remembering me leaving him but then all is forgiven with a cuddle. We don’t talk much on the way to the second pick up but he seems preoccupied trying to keep the sun out of his eyes.

She’s extremely tired and slightly teary, so I don’t push her too much. I do get the full run-down on her day and bring her up to speed on mine.

Things to note today:

Always keep baby wipes in the car.

I touched the whiskey, but just a small glass.