3 years on; I’ve figured it out

Why single parents are so tired.

Questions!

They come thick and fast and at any time. Now I’m a great believer in educational opportunity so I aim to inform as much as possible.

When I’m tired though….

Questions asked

What I  should have said What I actually said
What’s your favourite colour Adults don’t tend to have favourite colours Blue
Who’s that? (TV weatherman) I’m not sure; his name will come up shortly Alan
Who’s your favourite Power Ranger I don’t really have a favourite, as I’m an adult Alan, the Purple one. You may not know him as he only fights crime on a Saturday
Where are they going (car driving the opposite way) I couldn’t possibly know that Primark
How fast can you run (after watching Usain Bolt) Fast humans can do about 20 mph Just a little slower than him
Where’s that sheep’s mum Not too far away Driving that tractor
Why’s Saturday It just is ?????
Why are those birds on the roof It’s a safe perch away from predators They’re keeping an eye on you
What keep the planet spinning Interactional forces of the magnetic poles Children eating their vegetables
Why can you see the moon during the day It’s a satellite of earth that orbits independently to our rotation It’s keeping an eye on you

I’ll set them straight before they do any exams.

BSD

Can’t Trump that..

Driving home from a classmate’s party, the news is on the car radio.

It’s the day of two big funerals in America; the music legend Aretha Franklin, and 2008 Republican Presidential Candidate Sen. John McCain. Both events caught the headlines here in the UK and my eldest listens with interest.

The newsreader comments on the links between both the recently deceased and the sitting president of the United States.

She knows who Aretha Franklin is, but asks me about Sen. McCain.

I enlighten her.

‘Was he a good person?’

Like most people darling, he did some good things and some bad things. He wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

‘I guess no one is good or bad all the time are they?’

Exactly.

She thinks

‘Has Donald Trump done something good dad?

We both think…

She turns to me.. ‘Does he brush his teeth? that’s a good thing isn’t it dad?’

I wouldn’t bet on it darling.

BSD

Natural History Museum

Summer holiday activities.

Now seems as good a time as any to look back at the summer holidays.

I’ve really enjoyed this break with the cubs. I managed to secure 3 week’s leave, so between me and their mum we had most of the holiday covered.

In that time, we incorporated my birthday and youngest cubs 4th.

I’m rambling…

This is a short review of one of their favourite places to visit, the Natural History Museum in London.

Getting there.

We usually catch the train into London. It’s an adventure, and they love it.

This time we drove. None of us really enjoyed that so next time we’ll make sure the train takes the strain.

Where are the dinosaurs?

The government made a great call years ago in making the museums free to visit (even a broken clock is right twice a day.. 😉)

They’re such great education centres for enquiring minds and open the door to so many questions.

There was only ever one question.

Where are the dinosaurs?

The architecture of the NHM is breathtaking. The immediate neighbourhood is home to the Science Museum, the Victoria and Albert Museum, several colleges and a string of  embassies. As you would expect, there are tourists aplenty, and its lovely to expose the cubs to so many languages.

NHM

Where are the dinosaurs?

We come in the side entrance, missing the modern normality of a bag search, as I’m not carrying anything.

Both cubs stand in silence; one by the huge skeleton of a planet, which is being fed people via an escalator; he is mesmerised by the skeleton of a stegosaurus.

steg

Where are the other dinosaurs?

The multilevel museum takes you through the ages and around the world.

I try my very best to introduce them to magma flow and tectonic plates with talk of volcanos and earthquakes, plus the planet spits out and consumes new islands constantly along fault lines, but they’re not convinced.

Can we go?

The ultimate goal is to see the dinosaurs. We follow a route that takes us through a multitude of stuffed animals, including the heads of various birds.

Eldest cub is fascinated at first, then the colour slowly drains from her face.

‘Did they kill those birds dad?’

I think some probably died of other causes but I guess you can’t rule it out.

Her brother takes immediate action to cheer her up in the best way he knows how; he sticks his bottom out, turns around and walks backwards towards her, rubbing his butt on her leg. I manage to intervene just as he goes to undo his trousers.

We stop at 3 stuffed models of a dodo. I take the opportunity to point out that they’re extinct, despite her grandmere (mother’s side of course) convincing her that dodos are alive and well on an island somewhere.

I digress…

Where are the dinosaurs?

They’re getting tired now. Apart from toilet breaks we’ve been on the move for two hours.

She wanes first. He’s still driven by the desire to see the dinos.

We enter the great hall, where only recently, the famous Diplodocus has been replaced by the skeleton of a blue whale. Its pretty impressive.

blue

Is it worth it?

Let’s face it; you’re hard pressed to beat a free attraction, especially one as well presented as the NHM.

It’s an expanse of learning, well stocked and easy to navigate. Even the multitude of gift shops are unobtrusive, offering a great range of visit mementos.

We didn’t eat on site today but if memory serves, it’s all quite reasonable for a family.

Negatives.

Hard pressed to think of any.

Take away thought.

The Harpy Eagle has talons comparable to the claws of a Brown Bear.

Things I’m thankful for.

There are no Harpy Eagles near me.

Ps. we saw the dinosaurs!

BSD

From the Bible; it’s Jewish..

It’s the end of their stint with me for the school holidays. Having pulled my back yesterday (on my birthday!), we had what was primarily a down day.

Late afternoon I felt sorry for my caged cubs. We jumped in the car and went to our favourite park.

Parenting trick; take them out near their supper time. They’ll then naturally leave the park in search of their next meal.

I had a plan for supper but was pressed for time. At the stove, they glossed over the fact that my usual ‘come and get it’ was replaced with ‘well, that’ll have to do’.

She finishes eating first, and leans into my personal space to tell me something.

“Daddy; there’s this story in the bible, about a stranger who knocks on a man’s door…”

Quite familiar with the bible, I’m at a loss for this particular story.

She chimes on.

“A man opens the door and the stranger asked ‘do you have a space for me to sleep?’ but the man said no”

Definitely not familiar with this story.

“The stranger then says ‘but I can help you! I can cook you a wonderful meal!'”

I’m wondering if this a Samaritans remix or some stranger danger thing that has become clouded in her brain.

She continues and I continue to fork food into my face.

“So the man let’s the stranger in and he starts cooking a soup. But the stranger hadn’t brought any ingredients so instead, he popped in a magic toenail…”

At this precise moment, something in my mouth went crunch.

“and then he popped to the neighbours to get some broccoli…”

I’m not listening any more.

The final element of confusion flooded in and brought me back to reality when she tailed off with,

“I think it might be Jewish”

“no; Christian…”

She angles her head in thought.

I fear my appetite may never return.

person standing in front of food tray
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BSD

Gender bull

Youngest cub has a favourite toy.

It’s a radio controlled car that my brother-in-law bought him for Christmas.

He loves it.

The car  is a 4×4, flippable, 360 thing that works whichever way up it is and can climb a multitude of obstacles.

We go through batteries like they were going out of fashion until I bought rechargeables, fearing that we may single-handedly destroy the planet. I didn’t want that on my conscience.

It’s really is rather good. That good, that big sister quite fancies having one.

I consulted Amazon.

Found it, or should I say, them.

Of the same theme but different sizes, colours and shapes. Result.

Then I found this one….

4girls……

Really.

So unless it’s got pink wheels and has ‘girly’ patterns, females won’t be interested?

I call bull.

My daughter just wanted an orange one.

BSD

Ps. clicking the above clicks will generate affiliate fees and may go someway to overcoming my anger towards blatant gender stereotyping and other bull. Thanks.

It’s no coincidence..

That sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

I’m on about one hour in the last 48.

Slight exaggeration, but the post on yesterday’s day out will have to wait…

Schadenfreude

Thank goodness for spellcheck…

I’ve just discovered a new meaning to this word.

Five times after telling youngest cub to clear up his Lego, he stepped on a brick, barefoot.

ambulance architecture building business
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BSD

Fluent in dad.

“Dad..?”

Yes?

“Do you like 1956?”

Eh?

“No; 1966?”

What?

“Hang on…”

She’s thinking…

“1996?”

Are these specific dated events? I’m not sure what you’re asking me…

“No! IT’S A SONG; BY KING”

Slowly dawning…

“No wait; Prince…”

You need to understand, this came minutes after her favourite song revelation,

BOPSIDY RAPS

By Queen.

It shouldn’t take this long..

The cubs are with me for this week; I’ve managed to score some time off work. Early crossed wires means that the ex and I cross paths at 60 mph in the countryside. A quick phone call and we make the switch in a near lay by

It feels a little like espionage, but we haven’t seen each other in what seems like an age, so its fine. Off we pop home, with a brief stop to get some groceries first.

I think that it’s important for the cubs to understand the shopping process, so away we go.

I never learn

First things first, back to the car for my bags for life. I pat myself on the back as I usually remember them at the checkout.

The first squabble begins; they both want to push the trolley. Last time I allowed it, one was involved in a near fatal collision with a pensioner. Unfortunately I couldn’t remember which one of them it was.

He gets first go. She wants a cuddle and to hold hands anyway. He can’t really see over the top of the cart but this does nothing to curb his enthusiasm. Or pace.

Most collisions are averted by gentle nudging and one, timely kick. He loses interest as we get to the escalator and abandons it at the bottom.

Clothes

She needs a couple more tops. I acquiesce, as everything I buy seems to disappear but hey, you already know my thoughts on that one. He attempts to get me to buy him a bra, and breaks down in tears when I tell him not right now. A kind assistant places it back on the rack for me.

Food

He’s in flight of freedom mode and stays at least half an aisle ahead. The store isn’t busy so I allow it. Now she wants to push the trolley.

Being a toddler, this immediately reignites his interest in the trolley so squabbles begin again.

“DAD! HE’S GRABBING THE SIDE OF THE TROLLEY AND THROWING THE HANDLING  OFF!”

Welcome to my world.

Be good or no-one will push.

“Then how will it move?”

She’ll go far that one.

person people woman hand
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Attrition

Weariness finds me quickly. We’ve only reached the bread aisle.

Croissants or Pain au Chocolat? I ask. Not the most challenging of questions.

No answer. I ask again.

‘Can we have kippers? we haven’t had kippers in ages!’

When was that an option??

Would you like croissants or pain au chocolat???

‘Yes’

Christ.

As it transpired, he wanted one, she wanted the other, so we ended up with both. She was quick to point this out. We also got kippers.

Amnesia

I’m starting to forget stuff; I haven’t made a list. I end up backtracking down an aisle. As all men know, this is just wrong. We shop like snipers. This is a tell-tale sign that I’m worn..

I then accidentally turned down the crisp and biscuits aisle.. big mistake…

I tried to reverse before they noticed. I didn’t make it..

bird s eye view photography of bull surrounded with men
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They’re off like locust; scattering innocent bystanders as they go.

“CAN WE HAVE THESE DADDY?” times one million

My kung fu skills kick in and I’m throwing sugar out of the trolley faster than they can put it in.

I’m done; they’re giggling like crazy and I’m trying hard not to show that I’m done. A nearby couple are chuckling. Their children are probably grown up.

I’m bent over my trolley, contemplating how lucky I am.

“What are you doing daddy?”

Contemplating life darling.

“Constipating life?”

vintage car wrecked grayscale photo
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BSD