It’s that time of year again where I like to take stock of the last 12 months. It’s a thing I do that allows me to press on into the oncoming new year with vigour and determination.
I try to weigh up the good and the bad in an attempt to learn the lessons that I was supposed to.
Sometimes I’m a slow learner.
The cub’s mum
We had more downs than ups. It’s still new and the wounds are still open I guess. This morning we managed to have a row after I asked how she was; the accusation? I phrased the question incorrectly.
I backed off. Part of my philosophy; it takes two to have an argument and I’m not playing.
The lesson
This was one of a few flash points that we collectively experienced over the last year. So how do I avoid them in future, and why should I?
The easy answer is the stress that arguing brings. I just realised that my teeth were clenched whilst typing!
Some disagreement is inevitable, but it’s the handling of such that is all important; the reasons to avoid it are pretty obvious:
- Poor health
- Poor relationships
- Unhappy cubs
The last one is crucially important.
I’ve spoken before about the fact that I will never speak ill of her in front of the cubs. It’s not fair; they only have one mum and they deserve to hold her in high esteem. I will do nothing to change that image.
This is where the teachings of the ‘7 Habits’ come in; seek to understand, before being understood.
In future, I’ll choose my words more carefully; consider my tone and watch my timing. Communication, not confrontation.
Failing that I’ll ignore her until the end of time, plus 15 minutes.
My home
I’ve mentioned already that I’m not overly happy where I am at the moment; it’s too far out for where I need to be, most of the time.
The lesson
Stop moaning! It’s warm, it’s dry, there’s food in the fridge. Some folk have none of those.
I’m sure that I will move in the not too distant future but for now, this is one blessing that I am counting.
Relationships
I’m single. I have been for a while now; the longest while in over two decades. For once, it actually feels ok.
The lesson
Historically, I used to bounce from relationship to relationship, without a break, without ever reflecting on why the last one didn’t work. Sometimes, perhaps inevitably, I’d go on to make the same mistakes again, and again.
I had to stop and ask myself why this was.
- What was I compensating for?
- what was I afraid of?
- what was lacking in myself that I sought from a companion and could that ever be the successful driver of any relationship?
I know that I need to be the complete article before I can share that place in my heart.
I believe in the Law of Attraction; thoughts become things etc.
I also believe that the Universe will keep giving us the same lesson, until we learn it. I’m just thankful that the Universe is very patient.
I’m getting nearer to those answers by spending time with myself, discovering who I am, after all this time.
In the meantime, the most important relationship is the one I’m proudest of; the one with my cubs. They give the most amazing cuddles.
I’m sure that when the time is right, she’ll find me, or we’ll find each other. Then I’ll have to change my pen name.
Finances
Tough! as they no doubt are for us all. Everything seems to be going up apart from our wages.
The lesson
Take control and keep control.
If you’ve read my last post on clearing my debt, you’ll know that I plan to smash this one in 2018.
My ultimate goal is to have 3 income streams. Something recommended by the successful out there. I’ll give you more on that one in 2018.
Health
I know the benefits of exercise, especially in the world we live in today. You absolutely have to do it. I use it to defuse stress too. See my first point, above.
The lesson
Schedule my workouts!
I schedule everything else important, so why should this be any different?
I’m fit; I’m healthy and I’m thankful; truly, truly thankful.
More of the same next year and maybe something to aim for..?
So that’s about it for now. The planning is the next phase and the important thing is to set my goals early and write them down.
Commitment is everything!
So that’s it for now. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I know what I need to what I need to stop, what I need to start and what I need to keep doing in 2018.
Bring it on!
BSD
broke-single-dad 
“I’ve spoken before about the fact that I will never speak ill of her in front of the cubs. It’s not fair; they only have one mum and they deserve to hold her in high esteem. I will do nothing to change that image.” As long as this mindset does not veer into the realm of allowing your children a false sense and belief in who their mother is, this is a good attitude. As a parent who had this same attitude and walked through trying to raise my son in an environment of peace, I realized down the line that I was doing him no good to shield him from reality when his father failed to do or be what he needed to be for his child. In the end, with my son’s personality, I don’t think it really would have mattered much one way or the other, he would have believed whatever he wanted to believe no matter how horribly his father treated him, but I still feel like maybe parts of what he went through and dealt with would have been easier if I hadn’t done that.
There is a difference between keeping the peace, not badmouthing, being a decent person and giving excuses or sugar coating things. I feel that parents should be real for their kids and that kids should see their parents as the fully imperfect beings they are because I believe that they will understand and appreciate that more than giving them a pretense of what we think they should see of us.
This is apparently one of my peeves and I do not intend this as a lecture, just my opinion and observation. I have seen how my oldest grew up, how my two youngest are and how I myself feel about my own parents. Kids are smart. They see and understand way more than we ever realize and I think they feel a sense of betrayal when they finally see that their parents aren’t perfect and always wonderful. For me, being anything other than real and allowing them to see that is like lying through omission. It is like parents who refuse to fight or argue in front of their kids. They don’t give their kids a view of what real, healthy relationships look like. Disagreement and working through them is just a part of interacting with another human being and removing that from their view gives them a false sense of reality and not doing them any favors. *off my soapbox now*
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Yep, kids are smart. My eldest has already made a few comments about negative behaviours and I’m careful to remain neutral; no cover-ups here!
It’ll be there on realisation in time.
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