For the cubs..
Most can handle prosperity; the true measure of an individual is who they are in times of adversity.
BSD
Quick wisdom.
Tough love?
I taught my boy a tough lesson today and it almost broke me.
Youngest cub has now joined his sister at big school. The change in educational level has done wonders for him. His language has come along in leaps and bounds and so has his interpersonal behaviour.
He’s not the finished article yet and at 4, neither should he be.
We do have some challenges. He gets frustrated easily and when he does, he can lose it quite badly. Foot stamping, screaming and saying no to everything.
On Saturday, I had said that we’d finish the day with a trip to the park but this had to follow him cleaning up his room. His sister will maintain her’s on a regular basis, but he plain and flatly refuses, or states that he can’t do it without help.
Again, given his age I don’t expect much, just a token effort.
At times I help him, at other times I get on with other aspects of housework to show them what is required to maintain a home.
As he’s grown, we quickly (and sadly) moved from the response to the tidy your room request of ‘No thank you!’ to plain and flat ‘no’.
We never made the park.
As I had no wish to punish his sister, I told them both that we’d go after breakfast the next day.
Next morning, after a hefty porridging, they headed for the bathroom. A quick wash and then out, was the plan.
All went south after hair washing. Water in his eyes was too much to bear and foot stamping began. Followed by screaming, and then kicking his sister.
At 4 years old, he seems to be experiencing the terrible 2’s.
I won’t stand for kicking so tell him he’ll lose a star. ‘I DON’T CARE!!!’ he screams, and kicks out again.
I pick him out of the bath. He screams and stamps. I ask him to apologise to his sister. He’s in full flap and now cyclically repeats that he’s not listening to me and he never will.
Admittedly, I can feel my blood pressure rising, so I decide to remove myself from the situation. I leave him dry, but naked.
Eldest cub gets ready and I shave and brush my teeth. She does her hair, which takes a while. He eventually stops screaming and comes in to my room. I’m now reading and pay him no attention.
He climbs on the bed next to me and slowly attempts to capture my gaze. I change position away from him. His sister declares that she’s ready.
Right; let’s go downstairs.
‘Dad! I’m not dressed yet…’
I walk down the stairs, telling her to put her shoes on.
In his nakedness he’s smiling and laughing as we get ready. He asks me a few questions, which ignore.
He persists. I stand firm.
His sister opens the back door and heads into the garden. Still in a state of undress, he puts his coat on.
I walk away from him and step into the garden. He screams…
I stop and go back.
I bend down and hold him tight.
We have conversation about what it feels like to be ignored; I do my best to keep it simple. He says he understands.
His sister, a witness to the entire charade, comments on my ability to maintain the ruse.
As I said; I don’t believe in striking a child but I do believe in discipline.
I’m not sure if what I did was any better.
BSD
Time to reflect.
It’s that time of year again where I like to take stock of the last 12 months. It’s a thing I do that allows me to press on into the oncoming new year with vigour and determination.
I try to weigh up the good and the bad in an attempt to learn the lessons that I was supposed to.
Sometimes I’m a slow learner.
The cub’s mum
We had more downs than ups. It’s still new and the wounds are still open I guess. This morning we managed to have a row after I asked how she was; the accusation? I phrased the question incorrectly.
I backed off. Part of my philosophy; it takes two to have an argument and I’m not playing.
The lesson
This was one of a few flash points that we collectively experienced over the last year. So how do I avoid them in future, and why should I?
The easy answer is the stress that arguing brings. I just realised that my teeth were clenched whilst typing!
Some disagreement is inevitable, but it’s the handling of such that is all important; the reasons to avoid it are pretty obvious:
- Poor health
- Poor relationships
- Unhappy cubs
The last one is crucially important.
I’ve spoken before about the fact that I will never speak ill of her in front of the cubs. It’s not fair; they only have one mum and they deserve to hold her in high esteem. I will do nothing to change that image.
This is where the teachings of the ‘7 Habits’ come in; seek to understand, before being understood.
In future, I’ll choose my words more carefully; consider my tone and watch my timing. Communication, not confrontation.
Failing that I’ll ignore her until the end of time, plus 15 minutes.
My home
I’ve mentioned already that I’m not overly happy where I am at the moment; it’s too far out for where I need to be, most of the time.
The lesson
Stop moaning! It’s warm, it’s dry, there’s food in the fridge. Some folk have none of those.
I’m sure that I will move in the not too distant future but for now, this is one blessing that I am counting.
Relationships
I’m single. I have been for a while now; the longest while in over two decades. For once, it actually feels ok.
The lesson
Historically, I used to bounce from relationship to relationship, without a break, without ever reflecting on why the last one didn’t work. Sometimes, perhaps inevitably, I’d go on to make the same mistakes again, and again.
I had to stop and ask myself why this was.
- What was I compensating for?
- what was I afraid of?
- what was lacking in myself that I sought from a companion and could that ever be the successful driver of any relationship?
I know that I need to be the complete article before I can share that place in my heart.
I believe in the Law of Attraction; thoughts become things etc.
I also believe that the Universe will keep giving us the same lesson, until we learn it. I’m just thankful that the Universe is very patient.
I’m getting nearer to those answers by spending time with myself, discovering who I am, after all this time.
In the meantime, the most important relationship is the one I’m proudest of; the one with my cubs. They give the most amazing cuddles.
I’m sure that when the time is right, she’ll find me, or we’ll find each other. Then I’ll have to change my pen name.
Finances
Tough! as they no doubt are for us all. Everything seems to be going up apart from our wages.
The lesson
Take control and keep control.
If you’ve read my last post on clearing my debt, you’ll know that I plan to smash this one in 2018.
My ultimate goal is to have 3 income streams. Something recommended by the successful out there. I’ll give you more on that one in 2018.
Health
I know the benefits of exercise, especially in the world we live in today. You absolutely have to do it. I use it to defuse stress too. See my first point, above.
The lesson
Schedule my workouts!
I schedule everything else important, so why should this be any different?
I’m fit; I’m healthy and I’m thankful; truly, truly thankful.
More of the same next year and maybe something to aim for..?
So that’s about it for now. The planning is the next phase and the important thing is to set my goals early and write them down.
Commitment is everything!
So that’s it for now. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I know what I need to what I need to stop, what I need to start and what I need to keep doing in 2018.
Bring it on!
BSD
When you’re going through hell…
Keep going.
Winston Churchill
This time last week
Last week I let you in on the peripheries of some tough times I was facing. I purposely didn’t go into detail but there was enough vague information to give you the general idea. I was under it.
At times like that it’s hard to imagine a way out. It’s hard to imagine things will ever be good again and it’s hard to see positives.
Somehow, I managed to keep my head. I made a conscious effort not to succumb to any ‘all is lost‘ feelings but rather to believe that things will work out for the best. I quite literally, relaxed and essentially did nothing. It was the hardest thing I [haven’t] done in my life.
How
I did other things. I forced myself to feel positive; I prayed a little more, specifically for an answer, although at the time I didn’t know what that answer was. I asked the Universe for an answer again, not knowing what that answer was. I wonder how many of you I just lost…
I also sang this quite a bit..
There will be an answer;let it be.
This time this week
All has changed.
Actually, they had changed by the middle of the week. Out of the blue and with no prompting from me, I received an official letter that changed everything. It proved to be the catalyst that kicked off a chain of events that will change everything.
It also increased my positivity and my positive outlook, which again gained momentum to help me see more ways to tackle my issues.
It’s the best feeling in the world.
And the moral of the story
Whatever you’re going through, have faith that you will come out the other end.
It doesn’t have to take belief in God or the Universe; just belief in yourself to find a way through your struggles.
Your answer will come.
Ps. Life will always throw poo at you; you just have to either dodge it or catch it and throw it back!
As we speak i’m writing this on my older, back-up laptop, as my (old) primary laptop is having an identity crisis, taking all my passwords and other stuff with it. I’ve asked the Universe for a new one..
BSD
broke-single-dad 