When your daughter draws this on your computer and gives it that title, you know you’ve done something right, even though it feels wrong.
BSD
CONTROLLING THOSE LIMITING BELIEFS – time to stop running and start hunting.
Introduction
The human mind is still the most powerful, instantly available computer that we can use. It’s amazing; it’s that simple.
All day, every day, that computer makes billions of calculations and adjustments that keep us alive. We don’t even have to tell it to do that thankfully, otherwise sleeping would be a very brief experience.The problem is, we take it for granted! I mean; it’ll always be there, won’t it?
Accident victims and those suffering mental health issues will tell you differently. Just like any other piece of complex machinery, the human brain can fail.
Accident victims can get help; people suffering from mental health issues can get help, if they’re fortunate enough to get diagnosed correctly; but what if what ails you can’t be seen? Or worse still, you don’t even realise that it is happening to you?
Limiting beliefs
What is a limiting belief?
You’ve probably heard of the expression a ‘glass ceiling’, well think of limiting beliefs as a glass shroud. It’s above you, and sometimes around you. You’ve put it there to keep you safe. What it actually does, is keep you still.
Safe, and still, are two very different things.
Now this is where things get a little tricky – you’ve probably read the last statement and thought to yourself “I haven’t put any limits on myself! Have I?” The problem is internal limits are seldom that clear.
A limiting belief can also be described as an ingrained thought or thoughts, deep within us that control what we do. In fact, it controls everything that we do. It shows itself in the form of a voice; the one inside your head that communicates with you, constantly.
Let me give you some examples of what that voice can say to you,
-
I can’t do that…
I’m never on time…
I’m so unlucky…
I’ll never get the hang of this…
I’m too old..
I don’t have time..
I wouldn’t know where to start..
Silly me…
I could go on, but hopefully you get the picture.
Those beliefs then are what mould our thoughts. Every moment of every day and in every aspect of our lives.
With the eight examples above you’ll notice that I never associated those comments with a specific topic. That’s because they can fit any or all topics (and areas of our lives) at any given time.
The thing about these thoughts is that they breed. They multiply like a virus and they will infect anywhere and everywhere you allow them to.
Limiting beliefs>internal thoughts….
So what’s the issue? Where is the harm in these having such thoughts because surely, everybody has them?
This is true; this inner voice is present in all of us, coaching us in our lifetime pursuits. What most of us fail to do however, is to make sure that that voice is working for us and not against us, especially when it can be difficult to know the difference.
Want more? On Tuesday I will explore how to control your inner thoughts with practical examples.
BSD
5 minutes peace…
Wednesday’s thoughts
Following an [extremely convincing] internet scare story I now have a water filter complete with a year’s worth of cartridges. The idea is to reduce the intake of heavy metals for me and my kids. I’m not embarrassed.
Listening to the shocking statistic that 1 in 2 of us will now develop cancer in our lifetime i’m taking no chances; after all, it did for my mother.
There has to be something in our modern lifestyle behind it, as I can well remember when that stat was 1 in 3. Surely if we keep going at this rate, cancer will be an inevitability?
I skipped class tonight. It took a lot of willpower not to skip supper too. Intermittent fasting relies heavily on eating well and exercising. I planned to fill the time when the kids aren’t here with the things i used to enjoy doing; running, gym, martial arts and cooking.
My self-discipline needs a little work but it’s not far from where it should be.
This morning..
Having sat up way too late last night to do her hair I elected to take things a bit easier this morning.
Working on the ‘a little of what you like’ principle they both get a bowl of frosted corn flakes for breakfast rather than the usual porridge. I’ve decided to begin intermittent fasting again.
They’re with their mum tonight and indeed for the rest of the week as I’m working so I want to make the most of them. I’ve packed their bags with everything they’ll need until they’re back under my roof again.
This is going to take some getting used to…
My time-keeping anxieties came back with a vengeance and I was quickly aware of the language I was using around the kids. ‘Hurry up!’ ‘Stop dawdling’ ‘Speed up!’ ‘Tell me in the car!’
One thing I do quite well is listen to myself, and this time I didn’t like what I was hearing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them, I smiled. I was suddenly aware of the message that I needed to give my children right now.
I sat on the closed toilet, and hugged my daughter tightly.
My son, hating to miss out on intimacy comes barreling in. On noticing the comb in my other hand he swiftly 180s and sprints away into the bedroom.
The second error of the day hits me when I take a friends advice and ditch the motorway for the more rural route. I become traffic for quite a while.
Evening thoughts..
How do you coparent effectively?
Where the heck do you start?
It’s a minefield trying to set standards for your children when you couldn’t make a relationship work as adults.
Even the basics have the potential to descend into some fresh hell.
I’m tired. Fresh start and a fresh outlook needed. No more tonight.
Monday afternoon
It’s amazing how quickly the time goes before it’s pick up time again.
I’ve calculated that dropping and collecting both puts 2 hours (each way) on my day. That’s a lot and I’m tired already. Work are being good and I put in the hours in the evening or when they’re with their mum, but something has to give.
The big man is first and I find him stripped to his vest, the day starting cold but turning hot sees me taking John McClane to get his things. He’s cold to me at first, probably remembering me leaving him but then all is forgiven with a cuddle. We don’t talk much on the way to the second pick up but he seems preoccupied trying to keep the sun out of his eyes.
She’s extremely tired and slightly teary, so I don’t push her too much. I do get the full run-down on her day and bring her up to speed on mine.
Things to note today:
Always keep baby wipes in the car.
I touched the whiskey, but just a small glass.
BSD
Monday morning
The biggest thing about relocating for me is timings.
I know what time I need to be where but I’m still not sure of how long it will take to get there.
You see time is very important to me. I don’t like to ‘waste’ it, and I don’t like wasting other people’s. I’m not anal or anything, but i’m.. no, ok, I am. I try to work backwards from my time due at a place to calculate when I’ll need to leave. Allow for traffic and some other stuff and voila. It works most of the time.
We’re late(ish). I try not to get stressy. It’s not the kids’ fault, but this is the thing with relocation. I’ve moved too far from where I need to be.
The kids are on form for the drive in. Angry Birds denied her fallback today is I-Spy. This can be challenging; past games have seen me exhausting ‘Ns’, for the reveal to be ‘Squirrel’…..
Dont make me explain it.
For some reason I can never guess ‘teeth’, even with her great clues. My suggestions are a little more pedestrian. I’ll have to remember that one for tomorrow.
Daughter dropped off it’s a slow toddle with the boy to the school office to pay for an upcoming trip. 25p over, I suggest the secretary place it in the offshore account for a rainy day.
I decide to promote the big man to the front seat for the onward journey to nursery. It’s a 3 point rather than a 5 point (preferred), but even at 2, he has the size and stature to fit safely. Interesting mistake..
Despite me pre-empting and moving the seat back, he can reach everything. He keys my radio, turns on the heated seat and puts the car in second gear. His comprehension is good, so I explain to him that what he is doing isn’t good. He stops.
The passenger window opens. And shuts. He turns and looks at me with the biggest smile in recorded history. And opens it. And shuts it. At this point if he was in the back I would have isolated the windows.
And open..
He then slides the center console open. Just a few centimetres, but enough for OCD daddy. I close it. He looks at me, smiles, and opens it, almost to exactly the same distance. I close it again. He gives a smile and opens it again – I can’t help but admire his curiosity; he knows his time in the front seat is limited.
The toddle into nursery is uneventful, and he joyfully hangs his bag and gillet on his hook. Entry into the playroom is more fraught. He doesn’t want me to leave and I don’t want to leave him. The staff are lovely, and he always settles eventually but not without tears. His strength matches his size and it’s a physical wrench as well as emotional.
There’s something so perverse about having kids then going to work in order to pay for someone else to look after them.
Opportunity for learning knocks
Post separation I moved further away from everything that I really needed to be near.
It seemed like a great idea at the time but a year later, the novelty has not only worn off but I also fear that the punchline isn’t coming.
However it does afford the cubs and I some time together whilst travelling. Sometimes that space gets filled by ‘Angry Birds’ on my phone for the eldest, or more cognitive games such as I-Spy, What Colour Is? and Spell This. The youngest busies himself by dipping in to the games as he wishes, if he’s not too busy fighting a losing battle with the Sun in his eyes or the wind in his face.
I find that these games are great opportunities for learning and I tend to push her spelling more and more.
I can’t believe that people struggle to spell school!
She calls out as we drive back from a shopping trip (where I’ve just remembered that I’ve forgotten to get loo roll).
Ok brainy; spell ‘Hospital’
“H-o-s-p-i-t-i-l”
Close; one wrong letter; try again. Say it slowly out loud, but this time feel the letters in your mouth before you say them.
I’ve figured out that her dominant learning style is kinesthetic, so the more tactile her learning can be, the more effective it is.
The youngest, now minus a shoe, chips in ‘a’ before going back to removing his sock from the shoeless foot.
Nice one lad. I’m sure it was a coincidence but it was impressive nonetheless.
We now finish the last mile of the journey home singing ‘S-C-I-E-N-C-E’ at the tops of our voices (window’s open) to the tune of nothing in particular.
Make it fun; they will learn, especially if they don’t realise they’re learning.
I knew that teaching qualification and 4 years as a training instructor would pay dividends one day.
BSD
A good way to finish the day.
Painting!
Proves to be quite an effective way of rounding off the day.
I realise that I spend a lot of time with them. I also know that this is me compensating for not being there all the time. Despite this being of my own volition, it does get to me at times.
An unexpected frustration of splitting homes is that you find yourself short of ‘things’. Things that you used to have but have no more. Things like places to put paint. Using one of my [many] popular sayings, adapt and overcome, a dinner plate makes a great makeshift pallette.
The eagle eyed amongst you may have also spotted the old duvet, that now doubles as a sacrificial surface.
I’ve been introduced to Aboriginal dot painting by my daughter; something she had learnt this week in school. I’m suitably impressed with both her and the school curriculum.
I’m less impressed with my efforts….
Don’t ask me to explain; I can’t. I changed my mind several times whilst creating it and this was the result.
Artistically, she takes after her mum.
broke-single-dad 