“So dad; what’s your favourite story? I like Fox in Socks!
“What’s yours?”
Jack the Giant Killer
“So what’s that about then?”
BSD
Ps, yes, I know the title has nothing to do with the story whatsoever
I love you more than ice cream.
You make your bed.
A few weeks back..
I took the cubs to a new park. It was the start of the really good weather so we walked. I want them to get more exercise so a 4 mile round trip should make bedtime smoother.
On the way they were as good as gold. Proper respect for the road and in good spirits. We make 2 miles in good time.
The park is beautiful. Part manicured lawns, flower beds and an aviary. We take some time to look at the birds.
Contraptions
A lot of public parks now have rudimentary exercise equipment in them; this one is no different. They kind of resemble what you see in gyms but slightly more weather and wear resistant. My two love them, so I sit back and let them burn some more energy.
As is also usual for public spaces, there were some bigger boys and girls around. Too old for parks, but too young for bars; puberty purgatory before adulthood, raging hormones included.
Their language is a little raw so we move off. There are some more traditional apparatus for the cubs.
In a gated area sits some new challenges. A higher climbing frame that will test her, a rope walk and a rope swing onto a cargo net. All good confidence builders.
We get stuck in.
Not alone
As you’d expect, there are other families around. Kids aged from about 3 to 10 years old. They’re all jolly.
My two hit the rope and cargo net; a queue builds. My eldest helps her brother by passing him the rope. He pauses, then swings into the net. Since I didn’t tell him to let go, he swings back to his starting position.
His sister shows him how its done, passing the rope back before scrambling over the top, commando style. He’s still on the bottom and duly hands the rope to the next waiting kid. She looks about 5, and helicopter mummy is very near by.
She swings with all her might, before my youngest can get clear. She sends him tumbling.
He rolls, gets up, dusts himself down, looks at her then looks at me. I offer some reassuring words.
The little girl looks at her mum: ‘I’M NOT SORRY!’ she shouts to her. I’m a little taken aback. Her mum puts a hand on her shoulder. ‘I’M NOT SORRY!’ she shouts again.
I’m kneeling now, giving my cub the once over. My [not so] poker face looking at mummy, and daddy, who was feet away sitting on a bench, who say nothing.
Not wanting to serve time, I decide that to roundhouse women and brats is not a valid option.
‘I’m alright daddy!‘ he says, before waltzing off to join his rapidly advancing sister, who appeared to be on her way to level the playing field. I intercept her, United Nations style.
The mum glanced back, pathetically, as she took her brat to another apparatus. The brat was still indignant.
Stimulus/response
As they walked away, my anger turned to pity. I watched with interest the interpersonal relationship between mum, dad and daughter. I surmised that she was an only child. I also made the assumption that they had struggled to conceive and because the physical manifestation of the everyday miracle was now living and breathing, they were so thankful that she could do no wrong. A huge leap I know, but that child ruled both adults.
Kids have accidents; that’s fine and to be expected. The fact that she vocalised her lack of remorse, and did so unapologetically, told me that this was the norm for her. This was how she behaved at home and that behaviour went unchallenged.
You reap what you sow
The pity in this situation is that at some point in this child’s life, she will meet a situation or person that won’t indulge her. If she’s really unlucky, it won’t be until she’s an adult; the universe has a way of doing that. My daughter would have sped that process up if I’d let her but I’m a good parent.
All 3 of them lose in this scenario. If you don’t set boundaries as parents when they’re small, you won’t be able to do it when they’re adolescents and respect will be a mere concept.
So proud of my two.
BSD
Well, that moment is ruined.
It’d been a good day.
He’s going to school in September so I’m determined to get him dry by then. Baring a few accidents, he’s actually been quite good.
In big boy pants all day, with a day in the garden and a trip to the park, I began to wonder.
Come bathtime, I was so pleased to see him using the toilet before getting into the shower. I gave praise where it was due.
Well done! You’ve gone the whole day without an accident! I’m so proud of you.
Naked, he leans forwards and grabs his ankles.
“Dad, can you see up my bum?”
Christ.
BSD
Down day
I think I’m exhausted, or pretty close to it.
We’re nearly halfway through the year and it has been a busy one. My writing has suffered.
It doesn’t help that I’m cramming a lot in, including learning two new skills. It means that for the most of the time, I have my head deeply buried in one type of reference medium or another. Luckily I enjoy doing that.
The cubs are on form although he’s a little under the weather. What that does do, is give the three of us the opportunity to cuddle up on the sofa and watch movies.
Never, ever underestimate the power of a down day and a cuddle. It’s almost as if I can feel my batteries recharging.
I’ve even ordered a pizza, rather than cook.
Tommorow, normal service will be resumed. I’ve discovered a new green space near us that we’re going to explore, waterproofs and picnics will be packed.
Adventure calls.
BSD
Independents day
Ok I’m back and hopefully so is my writing bug. Let’s see how this goes.
I like to teach the cubs life skills whenever I can and today was a big one; cooking breakfast.
She’s 8 next month and has shown the maturity to use kitchen knives responsibly in the past. It’s time to use the hob to make porridge.
Safety first
Sharps are one thing; flame another. She gets a thorough briefing.
- No loose clothing. We go into the reasons why, without unduly scaring her. It’s also an occasion to deliver a lesson on ‘stop: drop and roll’
- Rear rings only. I rarely use the front ones when they’re here for safety reasons. I tell her that this stops her clothing getting too close. She double checks her clothing.
- No flame until it’s needed. Just before the pot goes on.
- Long spoon. An absolute must. A belt and braces way of keeping away from the flame.
Pride
She hits the ignition; her life changes for ever.
She turns to talk to me and reach for a bowl. I stop her; keeping her attention on the job. One thing at a time.
She counts aloud as the porridge thickens. Perfection; hob off.
I help with dishing out, as the pot is heavy. (Does the coagulation of a thixotropic material proportionately increase its mass? I’ll save that one for her graduation)
Finishing touches
She added the finishing touches to my bowl; honey, nuts, banana, blueberries, cinnamon, turmeric and ginger. Her bowl was less extravagant but she nailed it (apart from the turmeric but hey; curried porridge can be a thing…)
The look of satisfaction and pride on her face is immeasurable.
‘Best porridge ever daddy?’
Absolutely.
BSD
Breakfast questions
‘Dad..?’
Yes?
‘If you had to put your 3 most precious things in a safe, what would they be?’
That’s a good question; let me think…
Well you..
‘Yes..’
Your brother..
‘Yes. 1 more..’
……….
And a double pack of Custard Creams with a long use by date.
‘What about mummy!’
She can buy her own biscuits.
BSD
Easter Hols
And the cubs are off with Mum for the first half of the holidays, then they’re back with me for the latter half.
She’s jam-packed activities for them which is great. I’m getting regular FaceTime updates.
A call comes in from the Jurassic coast; a great location and day out for budding adventurers.
“Daddy! Mummy got me this from the gift shop. It’s a mood ring!”
She thrusts her finger towards the screen.
“It says I’m despair but I’m not. I’m just tired”
Ok then.
BSD
Pirates, and a case of the coughs.
I’m back.
I’ve had a bit of a break because, well, I was tired. I’ve been doing a lot of self improvement lately and that takes its toll. I’ll probably write about it shortly.
Not today though; today, is all about my budding thespian.
School play
My eldest cub has been bouncing off the walls for a month. She had been cast as a major part in the school play, ‘Pirates of the Curry-Bean’.
Curry-Bean……
Caribbean……get it?
I probably didn’t have to spell that out but it fills the page.
She was RedBeard; a major speaking part. For the last few weeks she’s pushed her learning of her lines. She’s practiced so, so hard to the point that her 3 year old brother was fluent in all the songs.
I gave her the nuggets of my experience, having played one of the Three Wise Men in numerous nativities and Joseph in one. This makes me a pro.
Tips
Proper practice prevents poor performance. She learnt this first. It was our mantra for karate and my mantra for everything.
She sang in the bath; she sang in her room. She sang at bedtime, accompanied by him; she sang in the car. I loved it.
The big day
Actually the night before.
They’ve been at their mum’s this week so technically the next time I’d see her would be when she entered stage right.
I wasn’t having that.
Thank you technology; FaceTime engaged.
We chat, I wish her luck before assuring her that I would be at both the lunchtime and the evening performances.
She responds by informing me that her brother, well on the way to being toilet trained, is having a wee in the bath.
Ok.
Maybe he’s more nervous than she is.
The big day (for real)
And I wake up with a hacking cough.
Where in hell had this come from?? Disaster!
Understand this; I’m a big fella; when I cough it sounds like a nuclear detonation giving birth to an adult volcanic eruption. It’s pretty loud.
Water. As much of it as I could drink without killing myself.
Drugs. Cold and flu remedies to be precise.
Cough sweets. Not good enough. Give me the industrial stuff – weapons grade if you’ve got it.
Timing. Tablets taken too early would lose their effect at a critical time; probably during a soliloquy. Time to work the clock backwards.
Tablets take 30 minutes to work but then last for 4 hours; taken too early I’d be protection-less at the commencement of the performance, ruining the show and scaring smaller children; too late and it wouldn’t kick in until the epilogue.
Take one in 10 minutes then another in a subsequent 5, thus staggering the impact whilst allowing for any delays in curtain up.
I may have overthought it.
The (revised) plan
Arrive 45 mins early; eat lunch. Take tablet(s); drink drink. Have wee. Take cough sweet (industrial). Drink. Nice.
Seat at the front, with other cub and mum; relax.
Curtain up
Apart from Captain RedBeard taking time out to wave periodically to loved ones during an orchestrated battle, it was amazing.
Proud daddy had the loudest clapping (thankfully not coughing) in the audience.
BSD
Snow day
And we’ve dug in; but daddy has made an oversight.
We’ve been under some strong weather for the last few days now. It’s no surprise, as the meteorologists have been calling it for a week or so now.
Beware the Beast from the East. So named by the Met Office, scaring old folk and the young in equal measure.
Cold weather is blowing in from the Baltic states and bringing snow with it. It’s quite deep in the east of the country, whilst the rest of us get snow drifts. We all get the high winds and the associated chill that takes -3 down to about -10.
Now any Canadian readers are probably laughing their socks off right now, as these conditions will probably constitute the norm for you folk. Here, we talk about the weather so much its a surprise that we are always so unprepared for it.
School is closed, so I make the decision to keep the youngest off of nursery too, as I’m off work which means that I can switch off the alarm and have a lie in.
Morning arrives and the Saturday routine comes a day early; they jump into my bed and we watch a movie. For once, I’m quite well rested so I watch with them.
Breakfast is 2 hours later than usual – and feels great! I need to adopt this lifestyle full-time.
Reality
I don’t buy into panic buying. No weather system lasts long in this country so I just did a normal shop. But, whilst making the porridge this morning, I realised, that we’ve run out of milk.
We’ll have to go out.
I break the news to the cubs, who usually liking the snow, decided that the wind chill was a factor best observed from the warmth of indoors. We’re going to have to go to the local shops.
The Cat in the Hat (see World Book Day) begins negotiations at the breakfast table.
‘Maybe we could do without milk?’
We can’t. We have to go out.
‘You should probably go without us’
That’s illegal. I’d be jailed.
‘For how long?’
We’re going.
‘But the cupboards are full!’
Not of milk
‘But it’s really cold dad!’
You like the cold
‘My tastes have changed; I’m older’
We’re going
‘Can’t we just use the internet?’
They won’t deliver that small amount of product.
‘Who’s they?’
The 12 Disciples
‘?’
When I was your age, we used to have milkmen. They delivered the milk before morning.
‘Even in this weather?’
Yes
‘Did they die?’
Sometimes.
We’re still going. It’s not far.
‘Wait; we’re walking??’
A wicked smile appears on my face.
Yes; driving is tricky right now.
‘And walking is safer?’
Yes
‘Do the Police know about this?’
They’re busy. We’re still going.
My son looks on; amazed at it all. She’s backed into a corner.
I never thought grocery shopping could be this funny. Bit weird negotiating with the Cat in the Hat though.
BSD
World Book Day
Has to be one of my favourite days of the year.
Most schools in Britain encourage children to attend school dressed as their favourite literary character. The cubs love it, especially my daughter. They’re with mum this year and she has a creative flair, so all is well.
My daughter has a passion for any Dr Seuss stories. Last Christmas, she received the entire collection. She loves them, and will read for hours.
On the last W.B.D, she went to school dressed as the Fox in Socks. This year, she’s the Cat in the Hat.
Her mum WhatsApps a photo of her to me, before they journey to school. I’m so impressed as she looks, amazing. I compliment mum on her costume creating skills. Historically, she had created a Wonder Woman (or Lady Woman, according to my daughter) costume from scratch, and had also created a number of Angels for a school play.
She confesses that she bought the costume from Amazon.
Oh well, no matter.
On the way home
Britain is going through some adverse weather at the moment. As usual, the country slowly grinds to a halt and the news is full of people trapped in cars, after ignoring warnings, and folk skiing down the high street.
I pick them up slightly earlier in a vain attempt to avoid the traffic on the way home. School has phoned to say they are closing due to the weather.
The nursery doesn’t subscribe to W.B.D yet but it’s been a day of excitement and at the snow-covered school gates, parents are met by gleeful dinosaurs, fairies, Worst Witches, a B.F.G and what I suspect may be a Ninja Turtle.
My own Cat in the Hat comes bounding over and delivers the greatest of hugs. She’s tired, as she’s been looking forwards to this day for a while now. Best of all, she got a book token for her amazing costume.
She asks me if she can wear her costume tomorrow, before falling asleep in the car; happy.
PS. images in this post are links to the products I’ve mentioned. Clicking the link will earn me commission. Except for the pic of the cubs. You can’t have them.
BSD
broke-single-dad 